So, I'm back from BritMums Live 2012. My arms are aching from carrying my bags of free goodies home and my head is full of things I need to do - like sort out Tweeting from my phone ... what is my password???
Its been a weekend of mixed and quite strong emotions. I managed to get to my hotel, which was dead posh and completely scrumptious. So scrumptious in fact that I had a gorgeous lie in on Saturday morning and completely missed Sarah Brown's keynote speech. How useless am I?
When I got to the Brewery which turned out to be only a 5 minute walk away from my hotel I was blown away. All thoughts of this possibly being some sort of scam where my cash was whisked away to a Cayman Island account disappeared. The place was positively bulging with mostly women bloggers. There was free cake, free coffee, free tea ... you name it, it was there. There were stands giving away free stuff and that was before the speeches even began.
I went along by myself and I had kind of imagined meeting up with like minded bloggers and going out for dinner, maybe a drink, but actually it didn't end up that way. I did say hello to a few people, but to be honest its quite tricky to suddenly become bosom buddies with someone you've only just met. I felt like a bit of an odd bod after a while.
I listened to Ruby Wax's talk on Black Dog Tribe which was excellent. I found it very moving and after the year I have had so far - troubles at work and emotional illness close to home - I found myself with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This added to the fact that I was on my own was a difficult feeling to cope with. I went and bought Ruby Wax's book which she kindly signed for me and as I tried to tell her how much I enjoyed her talk and though she was doing a really good thing with her web site ( BlackDogTribe.com for people with or caring for those with mental illness ) .... I just couldn't help crying. How gutting. I managed to apologise and walk away as the tears just dripped down my face - you know the ones that come silently as though God just turned on a tap?
I felt so lonely and so out of place. Although I was up for an award, a finalist in the Video Bloggers category, I just couldn't face the presentation ceremony.I sloped back to the hotel and sat in my fluffy dressing gown eating Pringles and crying. Its weird isn't it how you can be surrounded by people but feel so alone.
I planned on missing the second day completely and thought I would go to the Sir John Soane Museum in Lincoln's Inn Field. But I woke up and having had a long steamy shower and a cup of tea I decided to give it one more try. So off I went.
What a different day ... I met a few very very nice people. I chatted to Anna who doesn't yet have a blog, but was just lovely. And then there was the lady from Dublin in the Warner Bros lounge. She was so sweet. Then I had a long long chat with Ruth Myers the graphology lady. I loved talking with her... about art and artists ... and her reading of my character was so accurate. Then I had lunch in the TKMaxx lounge with some lovely ladies who were great to chat to.
My plans to go to the museum faded. I went to GeekMummy's chat on video blogging which was excellent and then onto the talk on Blogging for Happiness. I was sitting on the table with the lady who writes Walking with Angels. She spoke so movingly that again the tears came unbidden. And as Annie Spratt and Kate Davis-Holmes talked I agreed with what they said too. Blogging brings me so much happiness and so much support from people all over the world. My unhappiness and loneliness was the reason I started blogging and really I am not interested in winning awards or being popular. Although it does make you feel nice to be nominated for such things. I agree with their idea of community and I admired Kate when she said she found being with people difficult. Blogging is a way we can all step out of ourselves and chat openly without fear of being thought stupid or fat or boring. And more than that we can help each other by revealing our deepest fears.
That's why I am writing this post really. Because BritMums Live was difficult at times. I did cry and I did feel lonely. But I also felt uplifted and welcomed and I felt I connected with some of the people. I didn't have the guts to go up to some of the well known bloggers and say hello, but that doesn't really matter does it? Being shy is not a crime.
My plan now is to create some relationships with bloggers so if I go next year I will have people I know to chat to. Maybe I have been too isolated. Maybe I need to be more open and chat to people more, visit more blogs more regularly.
I have learnt a lot this weekend. BritMums Live was well organised and the team had thought of everything. It was amazingly good value and I am glad I went. It has also made me realise how on the edge and emotional I am a lot of the time. I try to hide it, but Friday particularly made me realise how raw a lot of my emotions are and how little confidence I have. I was glad to come home to my Man and my boys, because I love them so much and what's more ... they love me too.
Its been a weekend of mixed and quite strong emotions. I managed to get to my hotel, which was dead posh and completely scrumptious. So scrumptious in fact that I had a gorgeous lie in on Saturday morning and completely missed Sarah Brown's keynote speech. How useless am I?
When I got to the Brewery which turned out to be only a 5 minute walk away from my hotel I was blown away. All thoughts of this possibly being some sort of scam where my cash was whisked away to a Cayman Island account disappeared. The place was positively bulging with mostly women bloggers. There was free cake, free coffee, free tea ... you name it, it was there. There were stands giving away free stuff and that was before the speeches even began.
I went along by myself and I had kind of imagined meeting up with like minded bloggers and going out for dinner, maybe a drink, but actually it didn't end up that way. I did say hello to a few people, but to be honest its quite tricky to suddenly become bosom buddies with someone you've only just met. I felt like a bit of an odd bod after a while.
I listened to Ruby Wax's talk on Black Dog Tribe which was excellent. I found it very moving and after the year I have had so far - troubles at work and emotional illness close to home - I found myself with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This added to the fact that I was on my own was a difficult feeling to cope with. I went and bought Ruby Wax's book which she kindly signed for me and as I tried to tell her how much I enjoyed her talk and though she was doing a really good thing with her web site ( BlackDogTribe.com for people with or caring for those with mental illness ) .... I just couldn't help crying. How gutting. I managed to apologise and walk away as the tears just dripped down my face - you know the ones that come silently as though God just turned on a tap?
I felt so lonely and so out of place. Although I was up for an award, a finalist in the Video Bloggers category, I just couldn't face the presentation ceremony.I sloped back to the hotel and sat in my fluffy dressing gown eating Pringles and crying. Its weird isn't it how you can be surrounded by people but feel so alone.
I planned on missing the second day completely and thought I would go to the Sir John Soane Museum in Lincoln's Inn Field. But I woke up and having had a long steamy shower and a cup of tea I decided to give it one more try. So off I went.
What a different day ... I met a few very very nice people. I chatted to Anna who doesn't yet have a blog, but was just lovely. And then there was the lady from Dublin in the Warner Bros lounge. She was so sweet. Then I had a long long chat with Ruth Myers the graphology lady. I loved talking with her... about art and artists ... and her reading of my character was so accurate. Then I had lunch in the TKMaxx lounge with some lovely ladies who were great to chat to.
My plans to go to the museum faded. I went to GeekMummy's chat on video blogging which was excellent and then onto the talk on Blogging for Happiness. I was sitting on the table with the lady who writes Walking with Angels. She spoke so movingly that again the tears came unbidden. And as Annie Spratt and Kate Davis-Holmes talked I agreed with what they said too. Blogging brings me so much happiness and so much support from people all over the world. My unhappiness and loneliness was the reason I started blogging and really I am not interested in winning awards or being popular. Although it does make you feel nice to be nominated for such things. I agree with their idea of community and I admired Kate when she said she found being with people difficult. Blogging is a way we can all step out of ourselves and chat openly without fear of being thought stupid or fat or boring. And more than that we can help each other by revealing our deepest fears.
That's why I am writing this post really. Because BritMums Live was difficult at times. I did cry and I did feel lonely. But I also felt uplifted and welcomed and I felt I connected with some of the people. I didn't have the guts to go up to some of the well known bloggers and say hello, but that doesn't really matter does it? Being shy is not a crime.
My plan now is to create some relationships with bloggers so if I go next year I will have people I know to chat to. Maybe I have been too isolated. Maybe I need to be more open and chat to people more, visit more blogs more regularly.
I have learnt a lot this weekend. BritMums Live was well organised and the team had thought of everything. It was amazingly good value and I am glad I went. It has also made me realise how on the edge and emotional I am a lot of the time. I try to hide it, but Friday particularly made me realise how raw a lot of my emotions are and how little confidence I have. I was glad to come home to my Man and my boys, because I love them so much and what's more ... they love me too.
