Fathers and Sons and the lovely Edward.... I may become a vampire.

Well, here I am again. My apologies.... it has been quite a while... I'm afraid my life is just so full right now. Well, I'm not afraid... I am very lucky and happy.I am working hard on my Open University course and any spare time I have I try to study.I am so weak that I know that if I sit down to write my blog I will find myself lost for at least an hour, searching through your blogs...So I have been strong and have not ventured near here in the hope that my second essay will get written!

I am writing it on Fathers and Sons - a book that I had not read before. I absolutely love it!! I am rereading it and trawling through for quotes and generally looking deeper into it.I am just in love with my course!! Why did I not study literature 20 years ago??My first essay went well and my tutor gave me some very positive feedback, so I was chuffed.

Tonight I am sitting here, before I go to bed, wondering whether to moan about my rubbish football tonight...or whether to tell you of my new discovery...I know that many of you will have already revelled in the delights of...Edward. I know that Farmwife has.I had heard of the set of books - Twilight - but had not read them. Last night the film was on Sky and I thought I would settle down with a glass of wine and see if it was suitable for the boys to watch ( it is a 12 certificate). Well.... ladies..... swoon.....

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I am currently pondering on the pros and cons of becoming a vampire.Of course, there is no point at all unless I find a veggie vampire like Edward to love me forever... but the thought has some strange appeal.I would appear to have a crush on a 17 year make believe vampire.At this point I should make clear to my husband, if he is reading this, that you are still my one and only, but golly gosh... when faced by 2 hours of a young, tortured, impossibly handsome vampire who would protect you forever, love you forever and is addicted to you like some sort of opium fiend... well, its a hard one to walk away from.

I was fully aware that I was falling for a formulaic, teen flick hero, and that if I fell for a 17 year old in real life the authorities would drag me away in a straight jacket. I was aware that in real life the actor is nothing like old Ed ( as I like to call him), but 2 glasses of Merlot in and I was his!! I would imagine that faced with a 45 year housewife the poor boy would run screaming, but one can day dream!!

Another thing to tell you is that I have had all my hair cut off.Well... not all, but it is very short.I went to the hairdressers and it just sort of happened. Its Long and floppy ish on top and short round the back and sides.Everybody has been awfully nice about it. People I don't even know have come up to me and told me that they love my hair!!

I wonder if Edward likes short hair...

Secret Housewife in Outdoor Girl Midlife Crisis...

Having satisfied the cerebral side of my nature I decided to attempt the more physical activities that the rest of my family enjoy.Another way of phrasing this could be that I set off on the trail of a Mid-Life Crisis...

My ever young and athletic husband had taken part in a company team building exercise at a Go Ape recently and he decided that our family could do with a bit of team building too. He booked us in.... my sister, my nephew, my 11 year old, me and, of course, Mr Adventure himself..my Man.We arrived on a sunny day at the woodland setting and embarked upon a half hour training session.

I have always rather hankered after the "outdoors, skiing, climbing, hiking" look. You know the type? Lean, tanned... afraid of nothing... sporting a belt full of shiny carabiners and a smile.... This was my chance to fulfill that dream. I could show my family that I was afraid of nothing... swinging from tree to tree in a harness and some very nice lip gloss.

It all started well.My outfit fitted nicely and my muffin belly was tucked beautifully inside the harness.The first mistake I made was the 'Pact of Death'. This involved swearing that none of us would resort to the Chicken Run Trail. We would all, come what may, go for the Black Runs.... the hardest path, the scariest route.I blame this, again. on my Man, closely followed in the blame stakes by my son and nephew. What is it about men?? Why can't they be happy with a cup of tea and a biscuit infront of the telly? No... they have to drag us all through hoops and hell in the quest for macho world domination.

Much of the afternoon is a blur of rope ladders, 40 ft high platforms and woodchip down my knickers.Every sinew in my body cried out to me that standing on a platform only 24 inches across was abnormal... wrong. Throwing myself from said platforms... out into the wide open expanse of woodland, into cargo nets huge distances away.... was wrong.As the afternoon went on... and on... and on.... I hoped for the thrill of adrenalin to kick in. I hoped that I would start to bathe in the joy of the outdoors...

Sadly, however, that thrill never came.I am proud to say that I did not chicken out. I climbed every ladder, crossed every tightrope, zipped every wire. I threw myself, with abandon ,off towers and platforms and never once did I hesitate.To the casual onlooker I was that 'Outdoor Girl'.... whooping and laughing in the face of fear and danger.But inside? Inside I wanted the damn thing to end.... I wanted to be on my sofa watching Strictly, with a bloody big glass of Merlot and a chocolate Digestive...

The following day I awoke as if from a nightmare.I had fallen into bed at 8pm and slept for 13 hours. My body felt broken and battered... as if I had been beaten with a large stick and muscles screamed from places that I didn't know had muscles.I am not the Commando Girl I had hoped to be..... but only you and I know that.... ssshhhhhh......

Lenny Henry in Othello and a day in London

So.... how long have I been away? Life is just sooooooo busy!! Busy in a good way though.On Saturday I had just the best day.I got on the train and went into London by myself.I went to the National Portrait Gallery first and wandered about there. Then I went for lunch at the National Gallery Cafe.I ordered a caesar salad and a glass of chardonnay. Well, trust me on this... don't bother going there for lunch.The most appalling caesar salad ever - a few lettuce stalks with some crumbled cheese, 2 anchovies draped over the top and 3 toasted slices of baguette to serve as croutons- eeeeyuch!

Still, the waitress was lovely when I complained and they didn't charge me for it.I also met the most lovely Irish gentleman who was also eating alone. He had ordered a game terrine, which came on a plank of wood.Artistic , yes. Hygienic? I don't think so. And neither did he. We struck up a conversation and he was lovely. He had a complimentary ticket for The Sacred made Real 

Blimey I hate these new link things.... they are hard to work.... and I can't get photos on with this new system....

But anyway.... we got chatting and he was very sweet.As I left he told me that he would always associate caesar salads with me!!! Anyway, again, I set off for the Trafalgar Studios where Lenny Henry is appearing in Othello

Being a tad peckish, having only eaten a little of my salad, I bought myself a scrumptious coffee and a bag of cheese and onion crisps ( what every good Shakespeare fan should have with them at a performance ) I sat reading my programme and then the play began. It was 3 hours of absolute joy.Well, when I say joy I don't mean that the play was joyful... it is definitely a tragedy.... but I enjoyed it soooooo much. By the end my cleavage was swimming with tears and any mascara was long gone.


I was surprised by Lenny Henry - pretty good for a first attempt at Shakespeare and rather brave to try such a major role.But he had a towering stage presence and I believed every moment of his grief.I would highly recommend it. The theatre is cosy and intimate and the production excellent.

 

I made my way home on the packed train with a smug grin on my face.How fortunate am I to be able to spend such a blissful Saturday?? At home my lovely husband had cooked chicken curry and all was well.Life is good!!

An update on a crazy life...

Ok... here I am again.Sorry not to have been here for so long, but life here has been a little manic.First things first... thank you to everyone who has left comments, kind thoughts and advice about my son.You really helped. Let me update you.

Despite being very reluctant to go to school we persuaded my son to go,and you know what? He had a lovely day and a lovely week.The school spoke to him and e-mailed me to say that bullying in any form was unacceptable. utterly.He has not had a problem with these older boys since. Fingers crossed that it continues this way.What a massive relief that it has all been nipped in the bud.


We move on now to problem number two... He has asked me to open a Facebook page for him.We have discussed it and I said no.And then, tonight, I discover that he set it up any way... with my e-mail address and with false info regarding his age.So... I deleted the account and spoke to him about trust, honesty, doing the right thing.


He spent quite a long time telling me that I 'didn't understand' and then that he hated me and wanted me to die.Nice.I don't know about you, but I must have missed out on the instruction leaflet for " how to raise boys" when I left the hospital 11 years ago. I seem to be going wrong somewhere.It is so bloody exhausting trying to help him, support him and, at the same time, deal with him saying such awful things to me.


I know starting a new school is hard for him and he is dealing with all sorts of 'stuff', but blimey o'reilly, why do I get all the grief?? I am flying by the seat of my pants here - trying to run my house, work 20 hours a week, study for a degree and do all the 'kid stuff'.I feel like I am juggling about 15 flaming torches and pretty soon something is going to drop.

I felt that I coped well tonight - I ended up with him calm and apologetic, although still upset clearly. I keep telling him that I love him absolutely, but that I have to be able to trust him.This is all new and untrodden country for us.I am just so grateful that its Half Term next week. I am so tired... Dealing with this sort of thing leaves me feeling like he has ripped out my soul, chewed it up and spat it out at my feet...


On a good note, I am LOVING my course.I have finished my first essay and am just typing it up to send off to my tutor. Its an analysis of a passage of prose from Pride and Prejudice.The more I read and the more I study, the happier I am that I signed up for it. It is my little oasis of calm. It will be very interesting to get it back and see my mark. I have no idea what level I am at, so this first essay will be a benchmark.All the other people at my tutorial nearly fell off their chairs when I said I had done nothing academic for 23 years!! And not in a good way...


One last thing... thank you for signing up to follow me.Thank you for keeping visiting.Please don't stop.