Hello..... is anybody out there?

I was sitting in bed this morning trying to learn Chinese when I thought about this blog. That may seem like an odd connection, but sometimes when your mind is concentrating on one thing it can suddenly flip to another...

So there I was, learning the days of the week, when this old Secret Housewife blog popped into my head.Its been a long time since I was over here. I had almost forgotten about it, but not quite. And I thought to myself, "Am I going to give up that dear old site?"

This blog has been with me since my boys were 8 and 6 years old. I started writing it when I was alone on New Year's Eve, feeling sorry for myself - a housewife with not many interests and little confidence. Now my boys are 18 and 16 and my life has changed exponentially...

I feel like a butterfly who has spread their wings and flown into a warm, sunny day.

As I write this blog I am a fully qualified Cognitive Hypnotherapist with my own business. I have worked hard to get where I am and, to be honest, I don't think that I could ever have guessed that I would be here if you had asked me about my future on that New Year's Eve 10 years ago.

Isn't it funny how life can take you in so many different directions and no matter what happens to you there seems to always be something one can take from the ups and downs? 

If you have followed my little blog over the years then you will have read about my thoughts on whether I should go back to study for my Degree at the OU.....and then the subsequent years which saw me eventually graduate. You will have read about Post Natal Depression and about my father's death. You will have read about my dream to run the London Marathon and my elation when I crossed the finishing line. You will have read about being nominated for awards and about my anger over injustice....a bit of a hotch potch really....but its been my little hotch potch.

As time has gone by I have learnt that learning never ends... that trying new things, throwing oneself into life wholeheartedly brings huge rewards... not monetary rewards, but the reward of growth and joy. Don't get me wrong...I don't spend my days singing "The Hills are Alive..." as I frolic over fields. Some days are hard and I doubt myself often...but I am so fortunate to be where I am now....at the start of a new adventure as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist. My dream is to be able to keep doing this, to grow and learn to be the best therapist I can be, and to help as many people as I can.

I may well come back here from time to time to update the old site on what I am up to...but for now, thank you for following me.

Check Out That View!!

This time last week I was well into my first day, studying Cognitive Hypnotherapy. The university where the course is based has beautiful grounds and gardens so I couldn't resist taking photos of the flower beds!! If you look at my Instagram account for the summer time I do tend to become a tad obsessed with flowers in all their glory and I think that perhaps that time is drawing near again.Anyway.... my choice for this week's Check Out That View, hosted by the lovely Emma is the photo below. As you can see it shows one of the university flower beds looking rather glorious. I hope you like it and if you do then maybe you can click on the button below and visit some other Check Out That View participants... or maybe take part yourself!!

Check Out That View

I went over to the garden centre today as it was so lovely and saw these lovely daffodils in the grounds. I took a picture, much to the dismay of the people in the car behind me ( I had pulled over). I thought I would post it for this week's Check Out That View, which you can link to by clicking on the button below.

My hubby and I have spent a busy day outside - watching our son play football and winning through to the final of the cup, then lunch with my father in law, then gardening. I have renewed the cover of my little greenhouse and planted primroses in the front garden. All in all it has been very satisfying!

Why we cannot let Fundamentalism bow us. I'll Ride With You.

I woke up this morning to read that 2000 men, women and children had been massacred in Nigeria by Boko Haram. Following the week that has just passed it is yet another hideous tragedy that darkens our world. I find it so hard to understand why people who consider themselves men and women of God believe that killing others is part of their religion.

photo courtesy of Huffington Post.com

Perhaps they are hiding behind the excuse of religion? I don't believe that any true follower would commit the cowardly and senseless murders we have seen this week. They may believe themselves to be warriors for their faith, but surely this model of faith is a mutation? An abomination.

I sat yesterday watching events unfold in France and ended the day feeling so desperately sad for the people involved. I have read countless articles trying to explain what is happening in the world and why fundamentalists feel the need to intimidate and murder those who disagree with them. There are so many theories, some reasonable, talking about poverty and alienation. Others damn blindly, generalising about an evil threat, conspiracy theories and prophecies of world domination by Islam who they see as some sort of dreadful darkness.

 I don't believe that Islam is evil. True Muslims are good and kind and honorable. As should be those true followers of any of the world religions, be they Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist. Mankind takes the words of sacred texts and twists them for his own devices. This has been the case for thousands of years surely? Mankind acts out of fear of the unknown and uses religion to excuse his acts of brutality.

Perhaps I am naive, but I just wish that people could take a moment to be still and to consider others. We may not all follow the same system of beliefs, but surely that's alright? As long as we try to be kind and tolerant, understanding that we are all different, then surely the world would be a better place? I am not a believer, but I have friends who are Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist. Their choice of belief does not offend me. I respect them all. I don't always agree with them, but I respect their right to believe a different truth than mine. Why can the fundamentalists of these faiths not feel the same way? Why do they feel the need to force their views on the world?

In my opinion the basic need of every human being is to love and be loved. No more nor less. If we all treated others with respect, taking each person we meet for who they are individually, then the world would be such a different place.

Perhaps this is easy for me to say, living my middle class life in leafy England. Perhaps the anger and frustration you feel as a young person living in slums, feeling alienated and demonised, pushes people towards hatred and the desire for some sort of justification for their existence? I don't know the answers.

What did touch me this week was the move to extend the hashtag #IllRideWithYou, started after the hostage crisis in Sydney. It began as a way of showing that not everybody equates Islam with terrorism and said "Let's stick together as human beings, be we Muslim, Jew, Christian or Atheist". If only we could stand together, hand in hand with people of all faiths and not judge others because of the actions of a minority.

photo courtesy of allfreedownload.com

They are a dangerous minority, but their desire is to break society, to turn us against each other, to spread fear. We cannot let this happen. We cannot condemn whole sections of society because of the way they dress, the faith they hold. We are all different and we all have the right to live without fear, to live with respect. Fundamentalists, be they Boko Haram, the Kouachi brothers, Anders Behring Breivik or White Supremacists, are a cancer that threatens society. They use violence because their words are impotent, their views abhorrent.

I realise that my views are probably naive, simplistic and if you are entrenched in your view of "them and us" you will scorn what I say. The world is not a simple place. But if we, the majority, stand together and refuse to be bowed, refuse to turn on one another, then they cannot win. I fear the future, but I will not let my fear turn to hatred or paranoia.

Je Suis Charlie.

Before today I have to admit that I had not heard of Charlie Hebdo. I had not read their satirical articles or seen their cartoons. Now, however, I do know about them and I will never forget them. I am not a journalist, but the horrific events in the Charlie Hebdo offices in Paris has made me realise and appreciate the courage of those journalists around the world who speak out against wrong, who speak out.

Today two gunmen walked into the offices of Charlie Hebdo in Paris and murdered twelve people - 10 journalists and two policemen. They called by name for the cartoonists and executed them.

The journalists were in an editorial meeting and stood no chance against men armed with automatic rifles. They were armed only with pens, with their keyboards.Time will show that the pen is mightier than the sword or the automatic rifle, but today, and for those men and their families, the gun proved to be more brutal than satire.

What the gunmen did not foresee was the mass outpouring of grief and support for the team at Charlie Hebdo. All over the world people gathered in town squares and online to unite in solidarity with those journalists and the courage they showed in exercising their right to Free Speech. In Paris people stood silently holding pens aloft. Their gesture moves me to tears.

photo courtesy of Huffington Post

I hope that the courage of those journalists lights a fire amongst the people of the world. A flame of defiance that will burn in spite of threats from extremist organisations. Every human being has the right to Free Speech. No human being has the right to murder another. Other people's opinions may offend, may even insult, but that gives no one the right to kill. Yes, fight back with words. Argue for all you are worth, but violence such as that we have seen today is wrong. It is the option of the fundamentally weak.

The problem is that the violence we have witnessed today is frightening. The editor of Charlie Hebdo, Stephane Charbonnier, was already under police protection for his cartoons ridiculing Islam and both he and his body guards were killed today. I have noticed how very careful most people in the media are when discussing Islam and surely this is in no small part because of the fear of reprisals by fundamentalists. How many writers do not think hard before saying or writing something controversial or satirical?

Will this attack spur more people to write what they really think? Or will it frighten people into silence? Only time will tell, but I call to mind a short poem I read when I was young and by which I try to live my life. It was written by Martin Niemoller ...

First they came for the Socialists and I did not speak out

Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists and I did not speak out

Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews and I did not speak out

Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me ...

And there was no one left to speak for me.

The journalists who risk their lives, and that is what they do, are there speaking for all of us. They are the ones who tell us, in our nice cosy houses, about what is really going on in the world. Those journalists who have the courage to write and who shine a spotlight on events we might not otherwise be aware of are brave. I might not always agree with what they write, but I will support their right to do so forever. Free Speech is essential in a free world and today has shown that the vast majority of people hold that to be true. The shock and outrage at these awful murders is deep felt. I hope that the tragic deaths of the journalists in Paris give people around the world the strength to say "Free Speech is our Right!" But there is a little part of me that is afraid that these murderers will achieve what they set out to do. When the outrage dies down and a writer wonders whether or not to write a piece or draw a cartoon, will a little voice in their head urge caution? Will they look at their son or daughter and choose another topic?

We shall see. Each writer will make their own choice. For those who choose Free Speech despite the risks I have nothing but total admiration and respect. Without them our world would be in darkness.

Je suis Charlie.

What is NaNoWriMo?

You may, like me, have seen the strange word "NaNoWriMo" popping up all over the web in the last few weeks or months. I had noticed last year and the year before and had wondered what on earth it meant.

To be honest I had difficulty even saying the word .... NaNooMeeeMooo.... NaWriMaMooo..... MaaaNaaaMiiiiReeee...

I had no idea...

To my surprise, this year, I received an invitation from my brother and his girlfriend to take part in NaNoWriMo... or, as I prefer to say..

National Novel Writing Month

My brother explained that the thing was a writing challenge. Write a 50,000 word novel in a month. To be specific write it in the month of November. I would need to average about 1600 to 2000 words a day if I was to complete my masterpiece in the set time span.

Well, I've often been told by people, mainly my husband, that I should write a book. My answer has always been to stare in disbelief at him, them and shake my head. Write a book? Just like that?

I have no inspiration, no ideas... how can I write a book?

Well, Grasshopper ... this is where NaNoWriMo comes in. You just write. I see that other people have varying approaches. Some plan meticulously before November, having plot, characters, history all prepared before the start date. Others just sit down and start writing on the first day.Some adopt a combination of the two methods. This is what I have done.

It doesn't matter if you don't finish. It doesn't matter if it's rubbish. What matters is that you sit down and write. Apparently only 17% of people who try it succeed, but if you do you get ... well, actually you get nothing but a little virtual badge of honour and a feeling of smugness in your heart. You also, I would imagine ( I say imagine as I am currently on Day 4 so 50,000 words seems an awfully long way away) you also would enjoy a very large sense of achievement. 2,000 words a day is no small feat when you have a job, kids, a husband or wife who thinks you're mad...

The NaNoWriMo site is full of forums, support groups, graphs to show your word count and links to Pep Talks. They arrange meet ups in local coffee emporiums all over the world so that you can write with company. I do like a graph.

So, as I say... I am on Day 4 and things are going ok. I am fitting my writing in around work, taxiing children, sport, housework and a husband with a bad back ( say no more). My plan is to write as much as I can early on so that on the days when I have absolutely no time ( and they will come, Grasshopper, they will come) I am ahead of the game.

My story seems to be channeling itself through me from somewhere, though God knows how. I am certainly enjoying myself.

If you are reading this and wondering whether you should do it, I say yes!! What do you have to lose? You might be able to start now if you work hard, or you could start planning for next year. Or perhaps you are reading this next year... in which case... Do It!!

Its free, its a challenge and its not going to be judged by anyone. What's not to like?. I don't think I will end up being the next J.K Rowling, but I will at least have proved to myself that I can string more than 300 words together.

I will come back and write another post when and if I finish....

Changing lifestyle & Walking to be Fit.

Over the years I have been fortunate to be pretty fit and healthy.I have tried my hand at various sports and although I've never been particularly brilliant at any of them I've not been awful either. My basic level of fitness has been good. Six years ago I ran the London Marathon and before that I was running four times a week in order to train. I've enjoyed playing football once a week, tennis, skiing.

Blimey! I sound like a complete sports freak!! But I'm not and as I say I have never been particularly brilliant at any of this. The main thing thing though, and the most important thing, was that I was getting out, trying my best and having fun. My heart, lungs and muscles were active, as was my mind.

Over the last couple of years my activity has slowed down, dropped off and has been replaced by ... well, basically by sitting on my fat backside eating crisps and drinking wine...

This has begun to worry me. I am 50 now and I don't want to turn into a big fat unhealthy couch potato. I find running harder these days because I end up with sore knees and hips and its just not as enjoyable as it used to be. So I have started to create a new regime of exercise. I have begun yoga classes once a week and plan to practise yoga at home too. I have also started adult ballet classes once a week.

But I have been wondering what else to do that will raise my heart rate, be enjoyable, but not pound my joints. I read a really interesting blog post from Morgan Prince today over at Shaking Away the Cobwebs. She was saying what I had been thinking. She goes out walking, makes time for a 30 minute walk each day and she has started yoga. She shared a great yoga video for beginners too. I read it and thought Yes! This is the way!

The thing is, we all are in such a rush these days. My Granny used to walk everywhere, even into her 80's and she was as fit as a fiddle. Now we want to get everywhere quickly. The journey is an inconvenient part of our day that we want over as quickly as possible. Even the times I have walked to work I have been worried about how long it has taken, how long it will take me to get home. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

So today I have decided to take a leaf out of Morgan's book and make time for myself. My walking will be 30 minutes to an hour of exercise, probably 3 or 4 times a week - sometimes more, sometimes less. And in that time I can take photos, fill my lungs with fresh air, think and get my heart working. I went out this morning ...

I had such a lovely walk and my heart rate went up, my muscles were working, my lungs were working. It felt great and I could wear my normal clothes. No changing into sports bra and running kit - just put on my walking boots and head out the door. I came back happy and full of beans. 

If I can keep doing this I will be walking about 6 to 10 miles a week as well as my ballet and yoga. And the walking is free, which is excellent! I am determined not to let my body go to seed and I want to invest in my future. I don't want to look at myself in 5 years time and think "God! What went wrong?!"

We only have one body and I have been lucky enough to be fit and healthy for the last 50 years. Now I need to make a conscious effort to try and be fit and healthy for the next 50!

Toffee Apple Disaster.

So, its Half Term and I have lots of time on my hands - lucky me. I came over all Martha Stewart today and decided it would be marvelous if I wrote a magnificent post on how to make Toffee Apples. How hard can it be?? And I could take the delicious Toffee Apples to my mum's house to share with my triplet nephews.

First Job ... stick sticks in apples

My first job was to stick my sticks into my apples. An easy job, but finding the sticks proved tricky. Bewildered faces met me at every turn when I went into various supermarkets to ask for Toffee Apple sticks. You would have thought I'd asked for some sort of instrument of torture...

But in my Earth Mother mode I was not daunted. I would make my own damn sticks from Mother Nature herself. I grabbed my clippers and went outside in the rain to chop twigs of the appropriate size. Good work Mrs Secret Housewife!!

Then came the other ingredients ...

400g of sugar

150ml apple juice & 100ml maple syrup

And a teaspoon of cider vinegar ...

The next bit I was a tad nervous about. I would go as far as to say that I was scared. I had to slowly melt the sugar in a sturdy pan without burning either it or myself in a horrible sugar scalding accident. I have read that you don't stir the sugar, you just watch it and shake it lovingly occasionally. So I did.

When it had melted I added the maple syrup and apple juice and cider vinegar, letting it bubble and boil for 7 minutes...

bubbly sugary stuff

And that, dear reader, was when it all went horribly wrong.

Drop little bits into a jug of cold water, they said. And the little bits will solidify into lovely crispy toffeeness.... Well not in my house they don't.

Eventually I thought that I would dip the apples anyway. I mean, how long can a girl boil sugary stuff before she keels over from exhaustion? So I dipped the apples and put them to set on my newly bought baking paper. (Non Stick... I hope)

And before my very eyes most of the sugary sticky stuff slid majestically down the apples to form a delicious pool of ... stuff on my tray.

There may still be some sort of hope. There is a chance that in the next 5 years the toffee will set to a crispy crunchy delight, but I am not overly optimistic. Still, at least I tried and I hope that, if you attempt or have attempted Toffee Apples you are more successful than me.

Halloween Face Painting and Ghastly Lychee Eyeballs.

Not long now until Halloween... Halloween is one of those nights that wasn't too much of a big thing when I was a child. We didn't go trick or treating and I really don't remember the shops being full of orange and black merchandise as they are nowadays. As my boys grew up Halloween seemed to become more and more popular and it became a bit of a tradition to dress up, go trick or treating and make Halloween type food.

Now my boys are "big" they don't trick or treat, but we do enjoy getting our house ready for the little ones who do come around. We are lucky where we live in that there is a sort of unspoken etiquette that surrounds the whole Halloween thing. If you are happy for people to knock and collect sweets you put a pumpkin on your front step, lit with candles or tea lights. The odd freaky spider or web will help people know that you are ready. Children come round in groups with their parents and they don't usually visit past the age of about 9 or 10. Also, people don't come round past about 6.30 pm or 7.

I know some people really don't like Trick or Treating, and I can totally understand their feelings if they have had bad experiences, but we have been fortunate enough to be visited only by excited groups of little witches and skeletons who chorus Happy Halloween and politely thank us for their packet of sweets. Its rather a nice community event.

A ghoul and the monster pumpkin we grew on our allotment!

This year I have been asked to face paint my friend and her teenage daughters who are going to a Halloween party. They have given me photos of how they would like their faces painted and I am excited to paint them! I shall put photos of them on here when they are done! Last year I painted my son and his friends ...

I find painting these ghoulish ghastly images very enjoyable! You can really let your imagination go wild!

Similarly I love making Halloween food ... a real favourite is my Halloween Eyeballs ...

lychee eyeballs for Halloween

All you need is a tin of lychees ( stoned ), some blueberries and some raspberry jam. You just spoon some of the jam into each lychee and then pop a blueberry in the lychee hole. The jam spills out like blood and they generally look pretty disgusting, They taste delicious though! Sometimes we have some for trick or treaters who are brave enough to try one! Not many are!!

So ... that's what we do at Halloween. I've posted a little early this year in case anyone is looking for Halloween recipes and wants to have my Eyeball idea. I'm looking forward to doing my face painting and seeing what other people get up to. I hope you have a very Happy Halloween!

Ballet Class as an Adult Beginner.

Yesterday I went to my first ballet class. Well ... I say first ballet class, and it is as long as you don't count about 4 classes 45 years ago. I had always wanted to be a ballet dancer. There is something about the way they move, the shapes they create, that mesmerizes me. I have spent hours drawing and painting their feet in pointe shoes ...

And now, at the age of 50, here I am, in little pink leather ballet pumps standing at a barre attempting to tease my feet into various positions with toes pointy and chin aloft!

I am so thrilled to be doing it! The teacher makes the class fun, but its hard. She tells us what moves to make in French ... none of which I can remember right now! But I enjoyed it so much. 

I don't think I am a natural ballerina, but I love the feeling of holding in my tummy, lifting up my core and holding my legs just so. I don't really care what I look like on the outside. On the inside I am Darcey Bussell, Margot Fonteyn and Tamara Rojo leaping for joy!!

As for the fitness side of it I think I am going to end up with thighs of steel because they certainly hurt like Hell after the class yesterday!!

Manners cost nothing ... so why are you sending me rude messages?

I'm not sure if I will publish this post. I am afraid that if I publish I will be judged by those who know me or attacked again by the person I received a message from this morning. I have never had anyone be so rude to me for no obvious reason... I perhaps have led a sheltered life!! This morning I received a rude message on Facebook, accusing me of being rude, accusing my husband and I of thinking ourselves better than anyone else.

In the summer, June, my husband and I had a joint party to celebrate our 50th birthdays. We invited friends and family, including people whom we had not seen for years, but who had been part of our lives and whom we liked. I invited this woman and her husband. They came and they bought us a couple of lovely gifts.

I spent the next few weeks sitting at my kitchen table writing thank you letters. On the day after our party I wrote a covering post on Facebook thanking everyone for coming to the party, thanking them for their gifts and saying that I would write to everyone individually. I remember writing to this woman and her husband because I remember exactly what they gave us and I remember what I wrote. I also remember posting the card because I thought about their house and going there years before. Their names are ticked on my list.

I also, I have to admit, did not write to everyone. Some presents did not have tags on and for some people I did not have addresses. To be honest there were a few people who did not get thank you cards. I am really sorry for that.

But I did not expect to wake up this morning to a message asking, with no hello or other greeting (and I paraphrase because I've deleted the message)

"Did you get our gifts because we haven't had a thank you and that's really rude. You and Mr Secret Housewife think you are better than the rest of us. Well I can tell you you're not. You are just rude"

There was no polite ... Hi Sarah ... I know this is silly, but did you get our gifts?  If she had said that I would have replied Yes! Yes I'm so sorry! Did you not get my letter? You must think me so rude. They were lovely!

She went straight into attack mode. I did notice that she sent the message at about 3 in the morning ... but I thought that she would probably wake up and be mortified so I replied with a tentative ... wow.

But no apology came. Just this ... "Manners cost nothing"

I am stunned. Stunned and hurt and amazed that someone I thought liked me could be so hurtful and so unnecessarily aggressive. I am not perfect. Who is? But I do my best to be polite and kind to people. My husband and I don't consider ourselves anything special. My husband is the kindest, most genuine person I know and it makes me furious to have him attacked in this way. I refuse to get involved in a conversation with her and have unfriended and blocked her.

I would love to post her message on my Facebook page so that all our mutual friends could see what a nasty person she is. But I won't name and shame because that would not be the right thing to do. I haven't even posted a link to this post on my blog. I hope one day she realises that she has lost 2 friends who are good people.

I imagine she has harboured this grudge for some time and has probably bad mouthed us to other people. I just hope that the people who know us realise that we are not horrible, ungrateful people. I am not going to say who she is and as far as I am concerned I don't want any contact with her.We are not perfect, but I think when it comes to manners we are edging it on her.

My NaNoWriMo Challenge. Someone pass me a doughnut...

I am sitting at my kitchen table, looking out into the garden where my washing is drying and the grass needs cutting. The birds are singing and in the distance I can just about hear the faint echo of the Arsenal game on the telly.

I am, of course, on my laptop and avoiding, with consummate skill, all the chores I had lined up for this afternoon. These included scraping stickers off my son's chest of drawers and repainting it a shabby chic cream and also cutting back the brambles from our garden shed.

I am telling myself that I am an athlete in training. Not quite one of the sweaty ones you might see out doing their "long run" of the week - rather an intellectual athlete.

I have been persuaded by my brother and his partner to take part in NaNoWriMo

I have seen this strange word in hashtags across social media over the last few years, but had had no idea as to its meaning. What it stands for is National Novel Writing Month. The plan is to dash off a 50,000 word novel in the 30 days of November. Easy.

I've read loads of books... You just have to look at my Goodreads feed to know that I like to read. Actually turning the tables and writing a novel should be ok ... shouldn't it??

Well, who know? But I like a challenge, as those of you who have been visiting my little blog for a while will know. This seems like a good one. All it involves is a little bit of discipline, a little bit of  determination and possibly quite a few mugs of coffee..... and doughnuts. Surely all good writers eat doughnuts?

My brother, who succeeded in this mission last year, tells me that it is less about writing a best selling novel and more about the journey. Its about setting oneself a challenge and sitting down to write the 50,000 words. He has told me that putting the final full stop on the final sentence on the 30th November is a pretty magical feeling. Only 17% of the people who start NaNoWriMo finish. I would very much like to be one of those finishers.

A 50,000 word novel is the size of The Great Gatsby or Of Mice and Men. We're not talking War and Peace here....

So my plan is to outline a vague plot, think of some characters and just start writing on the 1st November. I don't aim to write a best seller. I'll be happy to get to the end of November without having my husband divorce me or my bottom spread over the sides of my chair onto the floor. (Damn you, Doughnut Fetish!) They say that everyone has a book inside them. I've never really believed that, but I might have some sort of imaginative ramblings that can add up to just under 2000 words a day.

We shall discover whether I can do this in just under 2 months. Why don't you join me? Its free and its a challenge. What's not to like??

A Wedding on the Beach

Camber Sands

Sometimes you go for a while without writing. Sometimes there is no need to write because the real life that you lead fills your days and satisfies your whims. This has been the case for me over the summer months.

A good friend of our was married in August. He and his wife have known each other for 33 years and he has asked her many times over the years to be his wife. He has taken her to romantic dinners to ask. He took her to Juliet's balcony in Verona to ask. Every time she said no. I don't know why. To be honest it doesn't matter because they were always very happy.

Last year they went to Camber Sands - the beach pictured above and one morning they went for a walk together along the seafront. As they were walking along our friend's girlfriend pointed to a lovely shell and remarked on it. G picked it up and was delighted to see that someone had written inside the shell "Will you marry me?" How romantic, he thought as he showed it to L. "Yes!" she said "It is romantic! I wrote it!! Will you marry me?!"

And that was the start of their plans. Their plans led back to that beach this summer to the most beautiful wedding surrounded by their family and friends. We picnicked on the beach, drinking champagne and eating food from wicker baskets filled with scrumptiousness. The bride arrived on the back of a motorbike to the strains of "Born to be Wild" and the groom wept as he spoke of his love for his family and his beautiful wife.

There are times in life when you don't need to write everything down when it happens. Sometimes its nice to live in the moment and savour the moment you are in. To walk side by side with my man on the beach at Camber made me feel so happy. Being able to share G and L's special day made me feel happy. And part of me wanted to keep that experience close to my heart for a while.

As we head into the shorter days, with darker mornings and leaf swept afternoons, its rather lovely to look back at those summer moments. And it was time to share them. x

Losing inches & keeping myself to myself.

I am a tad bored with my blog. I am thinking of starting up a new one where I can be a little bit different, but I haven't completely sorted it out yet. I think that one of the reasons I haven't been here much lately is because I have been doing other things ...

I had always thought that I would be a slightly overweight person - not massively, but increasing with age. As time has gone on I noticed my tummy changing to a little bit of a barrel shape and thought that the change was just life. I have tried diets every now and again and realise that food has always been a very important part of my life - as both a comfort and a pleasure.

However, I started a new regime in November and I am the fittest and slimmest I have been in a long time. I will probably write about this new way of life, because that is what it is, at another time, but suffice to say for now I am eating less, eating far more healthily and exercising nearly every day. Weight is dropping off me, as are inches. So far I have lost 3 inches around my waist, 3 inches round my hips and 4 inches round my boobs. Its brilliant!

The photo below is me after a work out - knackered. But happy! I am enjoying working out rather than sitting at my laptop!

The photos below are my usual landscapes. I just love the countryside around where I live and am always stopping to take pictures, particularly of the sky.

I haven't joined up to the 365 linky because last time I did the code messed up my blog, but if you go to The Boy and Me you will find links to other blogs who are taking part.

I am finding myself distancing myself a little bit from the world of blogging. There are some lovely people and some interesting blogs out there, but there are also lots of people who seem to be all about "me, me, me". I have tried in the past to be supportive, to link to other blogs, but recently I have been irritated by people who just don't seem to reciprocate. I'm not saying that this applies to anyone you know, but I think that if I back off a bit and just enjoy writing and posting photos as a diary for myself then I won't get annoyed.

Having said that there are also a core of very lovely, kind and genuine people out there who support me come rain or shine and have done for a long time. Perhaps I just need to be picky and enjoy those people?

Its easy sometimes to feel a bit left out of the "blogging world". But if I keep myself to myself and not expect to be part of it all then I won't be disappointed. Am I sounding curmudgeonly? I hope not. 

365 photos ... January 5th.

So ... today we put away Christmas for another year. All the glitter and tinsel put in boxes and hidden away in the loft until next December. We had a lovely one this year. I hope you did too. This is my photo for January 5th ...

What were the Highs and Lows of 2013?

Over the last year I have connected in real life with some of the bloggers I read. Its an odd thing ... to finally come face to face with someone you have only known on line previously. I briefly met Kate from Kate on Thin Ice at BritMums Live, where she was hosting one of the meeting rooms. I had been aware of her because of the hard work and dedication she puts into the Charity connections BritMums is involved with. I think both of us were a bit shy in real life, but as the year has gone on I have chatted with her on Twitter quite a lot and she has tagged me to write this post. As its New Year's Day today seems like the right time to post my version... so here goes!

1.What was your happiest event in 2013?
I think I can safely say that my happiest moment was when I graduated in the summer of 2013.I dropped out of university where I had been studying History of Art with Italian and Classics when I was 22, having completed 2 years of my course. 20 odd years later I started at the Open University in the hope of gaining my degree. I did and I did better than I could ever have dreamed, gaining First Class Honours. The day in June when I went to Ely cathedral to graduate was one of the best days of my life. I collected my gown and was helped to dress correctly for the ceremony. As the gown was placed on my shoulders the tears streamed down my face. I remember the man saying "I hope those are happy tears?" All I could sob was "Its just been such a long time coming..." My heart was so full of joy, of pride, of the realisation that after all these years I had achieved something I had thought impossible. That was my happiest day.

2.What was the saddest thing to happen?
I am hoping that this will turn out not to be sad, but inspiring, but I have felt sad this year... Although the year started with all my friends healthy and well, the close of 2013 sees four of them undergoing treatment for cancer. Their courage in the face of suffering inspires me and their positivity fills me with hope, but it is human nature to worry and to fear for the future.

3.What was the most unlikely thing to happen, but which actually went ahead and did?
Well ... I would imagine you could put down my graduation for this one!! Who would have thought??

4.Who let you down?
I don't think anyone has let me down ... I count myself very fortunate to be surrounded by damn fine, loving people.

5.Who supported you?
When you ask this question the first person who rushes into my mind is my man. He is kind and loving and he is my best friend in the world. I miss him when he's not with me and I look forward to seeing him. He knows how to make me feel safe and takes the micky out of me when I get too serious.
But, you know ... when I consider this question I know that he wasn't the only one to support me. My boys are there for me when I need them, with hugs and cups of tea, with straightened cushions and laughs. My friends at work know when I need a pick up or a prosecco, they let me be me and I laugh with them. And fellow bloggers, fellow Twitter friends, some I know in real life, others I don't, are there for me when I rant about my children in the middle of the night.
All in all ... I am very lucky.

6.Tell us what you learned?
I have learned a lot this year. I've learned that when it comes to people I love or people who are in trouble I am patient, calm, loving. When it comes to people I consider lazy, selfish or dishonest I am absolutely intolerant. I don't suffer fools and I am very bad at hiding my feelings. I speak my mind when I see something I think is unjust, without always thinking through the consequences.

7.Tell us what made you laugh.
Lots made me laugh this year. I have laughed until I cried with my friends.Celebrating my friends' 40th birthdays we ate lunch, opened 40 presents and drove the waiter mad with our helpless laughter. My husband makes me giggle like a nutter sometimes. Children in the playground have told me jokes and other children have made me guffaw out loud in the library when I've marked their spelling sentences and they've risen to the challenge of "making their teacher laugh out loud". I laugh a lot.

8.Tell us the things that made you cry.
I may laugh a lot, but I have to admit that I cry a lot too.... My family say I cry at adverts ... true. I think its good to cry. I cried when I found out my friend had lost her hair from chemo. I cried when my friend was diagnosed with cancer again 18 years after beating it for the first time. I cried at my graduation. I cried last night when I stood 5 feet from Diana Ross and she started to sing "Ain't no Mountain High Enough", I cried when I read the thank you letters from the children in my class last summer, I cried when I got lost in the fog on a mountain in Italy. I cried as I stood before The Burghers of Calais at the Henry Moore and Auguste Rodin exhibition. As I said, I cry a lot.

9.Tell us 3 things your children did to make you feel proud.
I am always proud of my boys because they are good, honest, kind young men. Sometimes they drive me bananas with their hormones, but they are fundamentally wonderful. My youngest son has blossomed this year, gaining in confidence and enjoying his music again. He is funny and kind and so very loving.He is loyal and caring. My oldest son is in his GCSE year and has just completed his mocks. We have yet to receive his results, but he amazes me with his laid back approach. He is so incredibly calm and relaxed. He is also very loving and supportive. Both boys fill me with love.

10.Tell us the things that made you proud of yourself.
This is a funny one, because, if I'm honest, I don't often feel proud of myself. I try my best to be a good and kind person, but I always find myself wanting. I was, of course, proud of myself at my graduation (did I mention that??!)

11.Tell us the challenges you overcame.
This year has been a good one for me. I don't think I really have faced too many big challenges. Really my challenges have involved trying to support other people without breaking down. After all, if you are ill or in trouble the last thing you need is a friend blubbing. I have dug my nails into my thighs several times to stop myself getting upset and then blubbed in my car alone, but that's not really a challenge is it? Our escapade in Turkey where we narrowly avoided being conned into carrying prescription drugs through customs was a challenge. I'm glad that although I am honest I am also not a fool and I questioned what was asked of us. I am still trying hard to be a kind person. As I said earlier, I don't suffer fools and its a challenge for me to be patient and tolerant ... an ongoing challenge!

12.Tell us the things you would like to change about your life in 2014.
This year sees my husband and I turn 50. I am determined to hit my birthday as fit and healthy as possible. I have been exercising 6 days a week and eating far less for about a month now and have lost 7 pounds as well as inches from my waist, hips and boobs. I want that to continue.I am brushing up my French which has become un peu rusty over the last few years. I want to make the most of every opportunity, perhaps do more painting and drawing and possibly join a choir. I want to declutter my house, keep it beautifully clean and neat (yeah right!!) and work hard in my garden this year. I also want to see much more of my mum. She is 77 now and having been through a health scare this year with her I have realised just how much she means to me. I want to be a good mum and a good wife, a good friend.


So... that is my review of 2013. I hope you found it interesting. If nothing else it has made me think. I am not going to tag anyone, but I would love to read your take on this topic. Thank you Kate for tagging me - this has been an interesting exercise for me.

Happy New Year to all of you who read this. I wish you health and happiness. I plan this year to keep a jar in my kitchen and I will fill it with the best moments of 2014 written on little pieces of paper. Hopefully I will have lots of good moments and I hope you do too. Its daunting, as I get older, to look at my diary and wonder what will have happened by the end of its pages. I just want to keep my loved ones safe and well, to laugh and cry and reach next year in one piece!!

Blogger's Block and my half century.

After I came back from BritMums Live this year I promised myself that I would only blog about things that really mattered to me, or that I thought would be interesting to other people. Unfortunately this strategy has resulted in a dearth of posts.Its not that I'm not interested in things ... I am, but sometimes I just can't write about them, mainly because I don't want to offend anyone or betray confidences.

To be honest I am in a bit of a trough. Where do I stand in the world of blogging? And does it really matter? I was very flattered to make the Finals of BritMums Brilliance in Blogging Awards this year, but really... I'm not part of the blogging 'in crowd'... if there is such a thing. I don't have a cause to blog about and, to be honest, even I get bored of my allotment after a while!

I think perhaps my blogging reflects my life right now. I am at a bit of a crossroads ... This year my husband and I turn 50 and that's an age where you tend to look at your life and think about where you're going.... where you've been. My age doesn't bother me, but I do look and wonder what my next goal is... I am trying to lose weight and get fit and come the Spring my allotment will come back into focus, but I have no big goal. That's unusual for me because I have always seemed to have something to aim for, some new challenge.

Over the last 10 years I have run the London Marathon, completed my degree at the Open University, but now?? I can't think what I want to do... I feel that I have, to a certain extent, wasted my abilities, but if faced with the same choices I would not change my decisions. I have always believed that you do your best every moment you are given and you make decisions based on your life as it is right then. Hindsight  is a dangerous luxury.

The year ahead looks rosy. We are planning a big party for our birthdays in the summer and we have holidays planned too. We are incredibly fortunate. Perhaps I should just go with the flow for now? Maybe I should just be open to opportunities that arise and be ready for what presents itself? I have learnt, this year, just how fleeting fortune can be. I have too many friends who were well this time last year and who are now mid way through chemotherapy. They make me realise just how lucky I am to be able to do exercise, write, go on holiday.

I would like to learn something new, but what?? Perhaps I should just concentrate on being a better person. I have realised this year that I do not suffer fools gladly. I am not tolerant of people I consider lazy or selfish and, having been loathe to be rude to people most of my life, I discover that I am more than ready to speak my mind these days if I am annoyed by those around me. This is not necessarily a good thing!

So... I am now going to go and tidy my wardrobe. I will not be writing about it, but if you have any suggestions for me then do feel free to tell me! If anything at all interesting happens ( in my life, not in the wardrobe ... its not bloody Narnia in there) I will let you know. Thanks for reading my blog.

London Bloggers Afternoon Tea.

I was fortunate enough to attend a Bloggers Afternoon Tea at the rather posh Mercer Street Hotel this Saturday just gone. It was organised by the lovely Selena, whose Travel Blog Oh The Places We Will Go! is an old favourite of mine. As is Selena!!

I trundled off to Mercer Street in Covent Garden feeling a tad nervous, but probably more excited than scared!

I walked into a private room to discover 19 bloggers from nearly every corner of the world. There were women from Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Canada, Holland ...the list goes on. What joined us all together was our love of blogging and more than a passing interest in cake!

Everyone made me feel very welcome and it was wonderful to see Selena and Gina from Sweet Serenity again. I had read through the blogs of the other women there, but had never met them before, so it was a treat to be able to meet them in person.

I have to say that I try to come over as confident and smiley at occasions such as this ( that sounds as if I attend functions all the time!!! Durrr ... I don't!) but I do find it hard. I am not brilliant at socialising with people I don't really know and can sometimes feel a bit awkward and gauche inside.

I really noticed how hard everyone tried to make other people feel relaxed. When I say that I don't mean that the atmosphere was strained or forced, I mean that the room was filled with laughter and eye contact and a genuine interest in what people had to say.

If you had told me 7 years ago, when I was thinking of setting up my blog, that I would find myself in a room full of strangers I had only met online up to that point, I would have thought it impossible and probably very foolish!!

But I am so glad that I went along. Most of the other bloggers were expats, a lot were travel writers and all were very nice. The thing that struck me was their interest in the world around them. They did not settle into one niche of parent or travel writer or mature student ... they were multi-faceted, interesting and interested women ... intelligent and articulate with something to say about the world we live in. They made me feel proud to be a blogger and made me think again about how I blog, what excites me.

Selena is hoping to organise another meet up in January or February and I, for one, can't wait!!! Thank you Selena for organising this event and to all the other bloggers I met ... it was great chatting to you - I have learnt so much. 

If you would like to have a read of the Afternoon Tea bloggers' blogs ... here they are. Enjoy!

  
Gina from Sweet Serenity
Mandy from Emm in London
Erin from Erin Out and About 
Sarah from The Experience Collection Project 
Sarah from The Wanderblogger
Bonnie from A Compass Rose
Tina from Girl Meets Globe
Jacintha from Urban Pixxels
Anna from Eat, See, Do 
Emma from Adventures of a London Kiwi
Janelle from The Halfpenny Diaries
Jaklien from Passport and Toothbrush
Kara from Pen Plus Passport

Shobha from NYLon Living
Annie at Sew Graceful
Kelly from Around the World in 80 Pairs of Shoes
Melanie from Melanie Fontaine
Samantha from To the Days Like This