Manners cost nothing ... so why are you sending me rude messages?

I'm not sure if I will publish this post. I am afraid that if I publish I will be judged by those who know me or attacked again by the person I received a message from this morning. I have never had anyone be so rude to me for no obvious reason... I perhaps have led a sheltered life!! This morning I received a rude message on Facebook, accusing me of being rude, accusing my husband and I of thinking ourselves better than anyone else.

In the summer, June, my husband and I had a joint party to celebrate our 50th birthdays. We invited friends and family, including people whom we had not seen for years, but who had been part of our lives and whom we liked. I invited this woman and her husband. They came and they bought us a couple of lovely gifts.

I spent the next few weeks sitting at my kitchen table writing thank you letters. On the day after our party I wrote a covering post on Facebook thanking everyone for coming to the party, thanking them for their gifts and saying that I would write to everyone individually. I remember writing to this woman and her husband because I remember exactly what they gave us and I remember what I wrote. I also remember posting the card because I thought about their house and going there years before. Their names are ticked on my list.

I also, I have to admit, did not write to everyone. Some presents did not have tags on and for some people I did not have addresses. To be honest there were a few people who did not get thank you cards. I am really sorry for that.

But I did not expect to wake up this morning to a message asking, with no hello or other greeting (and I paraphrase because I've deleted the message)

"Did you get our gifts because we haven't had a thank you and that's really rude. You and Mr Secret Housewife think you are better than the rest of us. Well I can tell you you're not. You are just rude"

There was no polite ... Hi Sarah ... I know this is silly, but did you get our gifts?  If she had said that I would have replied Yes! Yes I'm so sorry! Did you not get my letter? You must think me so rude. They were lovely!

She went straight into attack mode. I did notice that she sent the message at about 3 in the morning ... but I thought that she would probably wake up and be mortified so I replied with a tentative ... wow.

But no apology came. Just this ... "Manners cost nothing"

I am stunned. Stunned and hurt and amazed that someone I thought liked me could be so hurtful and so unnecessarily aggressive. I am not perfect. Who is? But I do my best to be polite and kind to people. My husband and I don't consider ourselves anything special. My husband is the kindest, most genuine person I know and it makes me furious to have him attacked in this way. I refuse to get involved in a conversation with her and have unfriended and blocked her.

I would love to post her message on my Facebook page so that all our mutual friends could see what a nasty person she is. But I won't name and shame because that would not be the right thing to do. I haven't even posted a link to this post on my blog. I hope one day she realises that she has lost 2 friends who are good people.

I imagine she has harboured this grudge for some time and has probably bad mouthed us to other people. I just hope that the people who know us realise that we are not horrible, ungrateful people. I am not going to say who she is and as far as I am concerned I don't want any contact with her.We are not perfect, but I think when it comes to manners we are edging it on her.

If you have nothing good to say, say nothing.

My brother, the other day, said "Why do you feel the need to tell the whole world about your private life? I don't understand!" He made me think ... and I suppose it is a bit odd. I don't tell you everything that goes on in my life, but I do say a lot. I suppose I have always written and this is an extension of my miserable poetry and diary keeping. I don't mean to show off and I don't mean to upset anyone. Sometimes though I may appear to do both. I received a comment on my last post which really made me think. It actually really upset me and put a shadow over my Graduation, which was a shame.

The thing is, I let it upset me. I should have been stronger and taken no notice. I should have shown a bit of backbone and buried the one peevish comment under the avalanche of positivity and love that was shown me by everyone else. I should expect, if I am prepared to put my private life on the internet, that there will, occasionally, be people who are offended by what I write or just plain disagree with me - perhaps they read between lines and see something that is not actually there at all.. That is absolutely their right. I don't expect everyone to think like me. I think that it was the timing of this comment that hurt though. The one day that I wanted to feel that I had achieved something, had done well, had an undercurrent of self doubt that cut me to the quick.

This is my blog. I write it because I have to write to stay sane. I write about the good, the bad, the exciting and the frustrating. I was so so touched by my friend P who told me she loved  reading my blog because I wrote about how crap life was sometimes and not just about the good days. She didn't realise how much that meant to me.

I did think that perhaps I should stop writing, or at least stop sharing my writing with so many people. But no, I am not going to change. I am going to keep on writing as I always have and I will just have to learn not to be upset by people who don't like what I scribble. I have never set out to hurt anyone with my writing. My mum always said that if you have nothing good to say then say nothing and I think that applies to both blog posts and blog comments.

I want to thank all of the wonderful people who came through the ether, some of whom had never commented on a blog before. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your support over the years. Thank you for making me feel good about myself and thank you for allowing me to have a moment of pride in something I never thought I would achieve. I know I am never going to be a captain of industry or an academic genius, but you made me feel so special and so loved. You are the people who make life worthwhile.