GCSE Revision and the long distance mother.

Oh the joys of GCSE revision and exams!! I love it!! The happy face of my son as he settles down to a couple of hours revision, with his cup of tea at his side and a wall full of post it notes and inspiration ... NOT.

You may have gathered from previous posts that I do not find parenthood the easiest of occupations. However ... GCSE revision mixed with a liberal sprinkling of hormones and general teenage bolshiness has taken the enjoyment factor to a whole new level.

My son was predicted mostly A's for his exams and he is more than capable of achieving these. I am most hopeful that come August we will indeed be handed a brown envelope full of hope and happiness. The road to achieving this, however, is paved with days full of differing levels of misery.

We have, as parents, tried various strategies to encourage revision. 

• We have trusted that our delightful offspring will work appropriately of his own volition.
• We have shouted and nagged.
• We have bribed him with promises of money/games if work is done.
• We have threatened with promises of privileges/games removed if work isn't done.
• We have demanded that he sit at the kitchen table each evening for an hour & a half.
• We have wheedled.
• We have reasoned.
• We have provided every revision aid known to Man.

All this to no avail.

My son tells me that he knows what he needs to do and that we should trust him.So we are.

This is hard to do.

He does not appear to be doing a great deal/any revision at home, although I know they are working on revision at school.

My whole being wants to help him, advise him... I have tried to show him how to study. I want him to do well. Obviously.

But there is only so much you can do. He is a clever boy and it is up to him to realise that you do well by working hard. I cannot revise for him so I have to accept that what will be will be. If he does well we will celebrate. If he does not do well we will deal with it ... or help him deal with it.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no point whatsoever in ruining our relationship by screaming and shouting at him. Of course I would love it if he was organised and dedicated to getting the best grades possible, but at least he is facing his exams with an attitude that is relaxed and confident. I would rather this than have him worried and crippled by nerves and fear.

At some stage he will do what needs to be done. I am not going to spend the next couple of months screaming and shouting and begging. What will be, will be. He is approaching adulthood and much as I try to lead my boy to the books I cannot make him study. He has to do that himself and he will either do well, or he won't. If he does well then fab. If he doesn't ... he will hopefully learn a lesson.

I believe in my boy. I know, that come August, he will deliver.

*crosses fingers*

XBox hatred and homework.

Having bathed in glory at my algebra bonding exercise with Son #2, this evening I can feel my eye muscles twitching involuntarily having been to Parent Teacher Consultations with Son #1.

Having tried to persuade me that talking to his teachers was a totally unnecessary exercise my son accompanied me, reluctantly, to the appointments as requested. The general consensus was that my son is a fine young man, but lacks focus, lacks organisation and needs to up his input to achieve his potential. Fair enough, I thought. Not too bad an evening's assessments.

One of the points they all raised was my son's dreaminess, almost his tiredness ... Tiredness? Would that have anything to do with him getting up at the crack of dawn to play the XBox? Xbox. I am reluctant to even sully my page with that word. I cannot tell you how much I hate the XBox.

It rules my son's life. He is obsessed with it ... football games, war games, ultimate football teams, levels ...

I remove the controllers so he is unable to play. I ban it for weeks on end, but still he wants to play. I feel utterly useless as a mother because I just don't know what to do. He and his brother saved up to buy the thing and their time on it is restricted, but he is always thinking about it and if he can't play he watches Youtube videos of other people playing.

Having spoken to his teachers tonight I have to do something. I know that other boys spend far longer on the stupid thing, but I just don't understand this obsession. And if it is going to affect his academic success then I have to act.

I don't want to ban it completely because I understand the enjoyment it gives him, but I do feel he has to earn his time on it. Why he cannot realise that by doing some school work as soon as he gets in he will be totally in my good books I just don't know. He talks a good game and it upsets me that every time I mention revision he gets angry, accusing me of nagging. He just sounds deluded, twisting my words and making me feel so angry. I just don't know how to make him realise how important his GCSEs are. He says he knows, says he knows exactly what he needs to do, says he will work .... but when he is ready to.

I just want to scream. It is exhausting. All I want is for him to achieve his potential and not throw away his future because he wants to spend his time watching rubbish Youtube videos and playing virtual football. I hate his aggression towards me, his disdain. I hate it. In this day and age all students are expected to do their homework on laptops so I cannot ban him from the internet. I don't think I should be expected to hover over my 15 year old as he does his homework, but I'm afraid it would appear that's the only way his work will get done.

Part of me just wants to say "Fine. You know what you're doing ... get on with it." and then leave him to sink or swim. But I am afraid that by the time he realises that he needs to start trying to swim it will be too late and he will drown in a deluge of work. And also, I am his mum ... I love him with all my heart and I so desperately want him to be happy, do well, achieve his potential, learn how to work and be organised. Its time like this when you just feel overwhelmed as a mum. I feel useless and frustrated. If I get to the stage where I post on here a set of wonderful results for my son's GCSEs .. well, I will just turn a somersault! I know he can do it ... I just want him to actually do it.