Do you have days like the one I'm having? Days where you can do nothing right in the eyes of your family and especially your children? I have just come downstairs from my 14 year old who tells me I am an evil woman. The reason for this? I told him to turn off his laptop and tidy his room ...
The tirade of anger that met this request was just exhausting. Apparently I don't understand him and my other son is my favourite. I should tidy his room and pick the piles of clean clothes, that I washed, folded and put in his room, from the floor where he has thrown them. Apparently he cannot remember the last time I emptied the dishwasher ... I would imagine he didn't notice because he was on his laptop at the time.
I feel that I am walking an unending tightrope at the moment. I am trying to keep everyone happy - my husband, my sons, my work colleague. I seem to be an invisible woman - up at 6.30, sorting laundry, tidying the kitchen, cycling to work, working in circumstances which are, to say the least, trying, cycling home, studying, cleaning, staying quiet so as not to wake my shift working husband, making tea ( to complaints most days) clearing up, doing homework with the boys, being a psychologist ... The list goes on.
I can feel, lurking in the depths of me, the tendrils of my depression trying to reach up and drag me down. I try to sleep well, exercise, be organised, write, to keep those tendrils at bay. I cannot let myself sink again into the blackness.
As a mum I give everything for my children. I love them so much, but my God, they nearly break me. Tonight as my son slammed his door in my face and told me all my failings I wanted to scream and rage. But I didn't. I remained calm and reasoned. I was the bigger person.
But I wish sometimes that I could just go. Go somewhere where I could not be a skivvy, not be everyone's metaphorical punchbag. I am sick of being expected to hold down a job, run a family, study and put up with everyone else's problems and worries. I have to do all this until I feel as though I am going to break and yet still give and give.
I don't know what to do about my son. I have removed all his electronic goods, much to his fury. I worry about him. He tells me that he is totally stressed, unhappy. He even said he had considered suicide. My God!! He has so much potential, but everything is starting to go wrong. He worries me and infuriates me. He sees no wrong in his behaviour, but is lazy, rude and aggressive verbally. He is also loving, funny, intelligent ...
I feel very alone at the moment. I have no confidence. There are not enough hours in the day and at the moment they mostly seem rather dark ...
The tirade of anger that met this request was just exhausting. Apparently I don't understand him and my other son is my favourite. I should tidy his room and pick the piles of clean clothes, that I washed, folded and put in his room, from the floor where he has thrown them. Apparently he cannot remember the last time I emptied the dishwasher ... I would imagine he didn't notice because he was on his laptop at the time.
I feel that I am walking an unending tightrope at the moment. I am trying to keep everyone happy - my husband, my sons, my work colleague. I seem to be an invisible woman - up at 6.30, sorting laundry, tidying the kitchen, cycling to work, working in circumstances which are, to say the least, trying, cycling home, studying, cleaning, staying quiet so as not to wake my shift working husband, making tea ( to complaints most days) clearing up, doing homework with the boys, being a psychologist ... The list goes on.
I can feel, lurking in the depths of me, the tendrils of my depression trying to reach up and drag me down. I try to sleep well, exercise, be organised, write, to keep those tendrils at bay. I cannot let myself sink again into the blackness.
As a mum I give everything for my children. I love them so much, but my God, they nearly break me. Tonight as my son slammed his door in my face and told me all my failings I wanted to scream and rage. But I didn't. I remained calm and reasoned. I was the bigger person.
But I wish sometimes that I could just go. Go somewhere where I could not be a skivvy, not be everyone's metaphorical punchbag. I am sick of being expected to hold down a job, run a family, study and put up with everyone else's problems and worries. I have to do all this until I feel as though I am going to break and yet still give and give.
I don't know what to do about my son. I have removed all his electronic goods, much to his fury. I worry about him. He tells me that he is totally stressed, unhappy. He even said he had considered suicide. My God!! He has so much potential, but everything is starting to go wrong. He worries me and infuriates me. He sees no wrong in his behaviour, but is lazy, rude and aggressive verbally. He is also loving, funny, intelligent ...
I feel very alone at the moment. I have no confidence. There are not enough hours in the day and at the moment they mostly seem rather dark ...
