I seem to be blogging less and less. When I first started, nobody I knew had any idea that I wrote a blog, but as the years have gone on more and more of my friends, family and work colleagues have discovered my llittle secret. In a way this is nice, but in other ways its kind of limiting. I don't feel I can totally rant about certain things in case I hurt someone's feelings ... Of course there aren't that many times when I would rant as I am far too nice a person to be angry and manic ( yeah, right... ) but these days I do find myself thinking twice before I commit finger to keyboard.
So where does that leave me? Blog posts about my allotment?
I don't think it would be so hard to write if all was rosy in my garden, but right now its not. And my blog has always been the place where I could let off steam, have a moan ... Now I don't want to write stuff that I will get into trouble for writing, or write stuff that will reveal too much ... And yet, at the moment, my life is focussed on a couple of things that I can't get out of my mind. Writing about my potatoes or the latest delivery of manure feels somewhat trivial when compared to what is actually concerning me. The price of fame I suppose!! And its my own fault as I was the one who decided to post the odd blog link on Facebook, or tell people about my scribblings ...
So what's a girl to do? Maybe I should just pour my soul out on here? In the past when I did just that I received comments thanking me for writing about problems we all have. People told me it was good to see that they were not alone in feeling a certain way as I clearly felt that way too.
At the moment I don't feel totally happy with my life. For various reasons. Luckily these things will pass, but as I wait for them to go away, get better, I feel as though I am wading through treacle. I have a lot of support from some good friends and family, but fundamentally I am alone. We all are aren't we really? After all the talking, all the hugs, we are alone in making decisions, coping with emotions and problems. Right now I feel pretty strong. There is a deep down strength which I have not always had and for which, right now, I am very grateful. But its not comfortable feeling this way - waiting for life to be ok again.
I am very fortunate in so many many ways, but I don't like this feeling of uncertainty, of worry. I just have to keep my head down, keep plodding onwards and wait for the sun to come out again.
So where does that leave me? Blog posts about my allotment?
I don't think it would be so hard to write if all was rosy in my garden, but right now its not. And my blog has always been the place where I could let off steam, have a moan ... Now I don't want to write stuff that I will get into trouble for writing, or write stuff that will reveal too much ... And yet, at the moment, my life is focussed on a couple of things that I can't get out of my mind. Writing about my potatoes or the latest delivery of manure feels somewhat trivial when compared to what is actually concerning me. The price of fame I suppose!! And its my own fault as I was the one who decided to post the odd blog link on Facebook, or tell people about my scribblings ...
So what's a girl to do? Maybe I should just pour my soul out on here? In the past when I did just that I received comments thanking me for writing about problems we all have. People told me it was good to see that they were not alone in feeling a certain way as I clearly felt that way too.
At the moment I don't feel totally happy with my life. For various reasons. Luckily these things will pass, but as I wait for them to go away, get better, I feel as though I am wading through treacle. I have a lot of support from some good friends and family, but fundamentally I am alone. We all are aren't we really? After all the talking, all the hugs, we are alone in making decisions, coping with emotions and problems. Right now I feel pretty strong. There is a deep down strength which I have not always had and for which, right now, I am very grateful. But its not comfortable feeling this way - waiting for life to be ok again.
I am very fortunate in so many many ways, but I don't like this feeling of uncertainty, of worry. I just have to keep my head down, keep plodding onwards and wait for the sun to come out again.
