The right to be happy.

I posted a little while ago about having to bite my tongue and not tell someone how I felt about them. I am not a person who likes confrontation and I will avoid it if possible, but when I do eventually decide that the time has come to speak up ... I do.

I have had two occasions recently where I have felt compelled to speak out. I have not enjoyed either experience, but I know I have done the right thing. Some people, when they get angry, lose control. I go the other way. For me its as if the world slows right down and I know exactly what to say, how to counter arguments.

I am not rude. I am not aggressive. But I do speak my mind and I do not shy away from telling someone what I think of a situation. I am not prepared to be walked over.

There are some people who think that they can use their position to intimidate. Some people think that others will be afraid to speak their mind and be afraid to stand up for those around them who are weak and defenceless. Well, those people are bullies and I am not going to be bullied by them.

I am not going to go into the details on here. I would prefer that neither incident had happened, but they have, and although they have left me with a bitter after taste I know that if I had sat back and said nothing, taken what they were doling out to me, I would have felt worse.

So, we shall see what happens next. I have the right to be happy.

An update on a crazy life...

Ok... here I am again.Sorry not to have been here for so long, but life here has been a little manic.First things first... thank you to everyone who has left comments, kind thoughts and advice about my son.You really helped. Let me update you.

Despite being very reluctant to go to school we persuaded my son to go,and you know what? He had a lovely day and a lovely week.The school spoke to him and e-mailed me to say that bullying in any form was unacceptable. utterly.He has not had a problem with these older boys since. Fingers crossed that it continues this way.What a massive relief that it has all been nipped in the bud.


We move on now to problem number two... He has asked me to open a Facebook page for him.We have discussed it and I said no.And then, tonight, I discover that he set it up any way... with my e-mail address and with false info regarding his age.So... I deleted the account and spoke to him about trust, honesty, doing the right thing.


He spent quite a long time telling me that I 'didn't understand' and then that he hated me and wanted me to die.Nice.I don't know about you, but I must have missed out on the instruction leaflet for " how to raise boys" when I left the hospital 11 years ago. I seem to be going wrong somewhere.It is so bloody exhausting trying to help him, support him and, at the same time, deal with him saying such awful things to me.


I know starting a new school is hard for him and he is dealing with all sorts of 'stuff', but blimey o'reilly, why do I get all the grief?? I am flying by the seat of my pants here - trying to run my house, work 20 hours a week, study for a degree and do all the 'kid stuff'.I feel like I am juggling about 15 flaming torches and pretty soon something is going to drop.

I felt that I coped well tonight - I ended up with him calm and apologetic, although still upset clearly. I keep telling him that I love him absolutely, but that I have to be able to trust him.This is all new and untrodden country for us.I am just so grateful that its Half Term next week. I am so tired... Dealing with this sort of thing leaves me feeling like he has ripped out my soul, chewed it up and spat it out at my feet...


On a good note, I am LOVING my course.I have finished my first essay and am just typing it up to send off to my tutor. Its an analysis of a passage of prose from Pride and Prejudice.The more I read and the more I study, the happier I am that I signed up for it. It is my little oasis of calm. It will be very interesting to get it back and see my mark. I have no idea what level I am at, so this first essay will be a benchmark.All the other people at my tutorial nearly fell off their chairs when I said I had done nothing academic for 23 years!! And not in a good way...


One last thing... thank you for signing up to follow me.Thank you for keeping visiting.Please don't stop.

Bullying...what to do??

I am sitting here this evening in a bit of a tizz.My son, who has just started Secondary school, has been saying that he is scared to go back to school tomorrow.Some of the older children have been tripping, pushing, name calling and once shoved leaves down his back.He came back the other day with a plaster on his arm where someone had pricked him with a pen/pencil/compass.

I have contacted the school and his form tutor got back to me straight away so they will be doing something about it, but he is adamant that he doesn't want teachers involved.I just don't know what to do.I thought he was happy.He won't tell me any details, but tonight was in tears and at one point said he wanted to kill himself.Oh my God!! What can I do??

He started acting really oddly and I was worried.He has always loved school and is a bright boy. He is good and kind and popular.I honestly don't think they are singling him out for the mean treatment, but if I could get hold of the little sods who are doing this....They are probably only 13 or 14, but how dare they do this to him??

Part of me even started to doubt him tonight. Is he telling the truth? Is he attention seeking?I found myself getting cross that he was  being so stubborn about not getting teachers involved and yet being so upset.How can I doubt him?That's a terrible thing to think.I just feel so helpless.All my friends children who go there are perfectly happy and have not had any problems as far as I know. Is he being over sensitive?

I am hoping that a good night's sleep will calm him and he will go in feeling much happier in the morning.Have you had any experience of this sort of thing?Do you have any advice?I just don't know what to do... what approach to take. I just want him to be happy...