Teenage boys, grumpiness and the internet.

I am writing this quite quickly in a window of internet availability. The reason for this lack of internet is a ban ...  I have banned the internet in our house as punishment for my two little angels who last night ended up fighting and being generally obnoxious.

My boys are 14 and 15 and, most of the time, they are pretty lovely, typical (if there is such a thing) teenagers. They wander about grunting a great deal of the time and other than football their favourite sport involves the X Box or Facebook.

This is fine to a certain extent, but I like to limit their time on the X Box in particular and they are only allowed on at the weekends, if they've been good. Last night I went up to have an early night and told them both they were to go to bed too. I also said that the internet was going off. As I went downstairs to switch it off they had a kerfuffle ... a mirror was knocked off a wall and a brief 10 second spurt of anger they clashed. That, for me, was 10 seconds too much.

I lost my temper, telling them that such aggressive behaviour was unacceptable and wrong. I also told them that I wanted letters of apology for their behaviour and until I received them the internet would be ... off.

Last night they both saw me as a terrible old witch, one of them refusing to talk to me, the other ( bizarrely) sleeping on the floor in protest over my mean actions. Its funny though how the light of day changes everything and this morning I was met with hugs from my eldest. The youngest was still sulking, but hey...

I find situations like last night so difficult. I know I am lucky to have boys who are good and kind, stay in, don't drink, don't do drugs ... but when they are angry and grumpy they drive me nuts. I never know quite how to react to their behaviour, but I do know that I have standards that I want them to live up to. They need to know that I am boss here and I expect their respect.

I came home from work this lunchtime to discover them both writing letters. They had a half day from school and I couldn't quite believe my eyes. I hadn't reminded them about the letters of apology since last night ... but they had both remembered. They both wrote beautiful, genuine letters apologising to me about the way they acted last night and today we have had lots of hugs and talks.

I am proud of them and although I expect this will not be the last time they drive me nuts at least there is hope that they will grow up to be nice young men!! However ... once this is written the internet is going off again!! I have told them that they can have it on in limited windows so that their time is spent not just glued to a screen. They have written the letters and that's great, but they also need to understand that there is more to life than just the virtual world. They need to know I mean what I say and I may be a mean mama but constant access to YouTube, Facebook and so on is not doing them any good. So there.

The right to be happy.

I posted a little while ago about having to bite my tongue and not tell someone how I felt about them. I am not a person who likes confrontation and I will avoid it if possible, but when I do eventually decide that the time has come to speak up ... I do.

I have had two occasions recently where I have felt compelled to speak out. I have not enjoyed either experience, but I know I have done the right thing. Some people, when they get angry, lose control. I go the other way. For me its as if the world slows right down and I know exactly what to say, how to counter arguments.

I am not rude. I am not aggressive. But I do speak my mind and I do not shy away from telling someone what I think of a situation. I am not prepared to be walked over.

There are some people who think that they can use their position to intimidate. Some people think that others will be afraid to speak their mind and be afraid to stand up for those around them who are weak and defenceless. Well, those people are bullies and I am not going to be bullied by them.

I am not going to go into the details on here. I would prefer that neither incident had happened, but they have, and although they have left me with a bitter after taste I know that if I had sat back and said nothing, taken what they were doling out to me, I would have felt worse.

So, we shall see what happens next. I have the right to be happy.

Women's rights pushed back 50 years by sexist club.

Before I began my life as a secret housewife I had another life. For 12 years I worked in casinos. I was fortunate that I worked in high end, Mayfair clubs and although some of you may have visions of seedy dives occupied by gangsters and girls of easy virtue, the truth was a long way from this. In fact there are no such places in Britain - they are myths left over from the 1960's.

I considered myself a career woman, respected by both those I worked with and the punters. Women worked hard to dispel the image of being bits of fluff who happened to deal roulette or blackjack. We wanted to be considered equal to the men with whom we worked.

And now I am so disappointed to read about the opening of the Playboy club again in London. I refuse to even put a link to it because it represents everything that is wrong with casinos. The 'bunnies' were 'cast'. They were not interviewed as any other person would be interviewed. Its not about 'How good are you at the job? Can you deal games efficiently? Can you handle difficult situations?' Its all about 'Does she look good in a bunny outfit?'

 Now tell me... if you went into a club and was greeted by a girl in a tiny leotard with her boobs pushing voluptuously over the top and legs up to her arm pits, wearing high heels and fish net tights - what would you think? 'Oh, here's a professional woman with whom I can have an intelligent conversation? Here's a person I can trust and respect?' Or would you maybe think ' Here's a tart I might get something out of? If I pay will she let me cop a feel?'

I cannot believe that women, in the 21st century, are willing to allow themselves to be put in the position of being hired purely for their physical appearance.Few of the staff there, and by that I mean the female staff, are there because they are good at their job.Some have never worked as croupiers before. They are there so they can provide eye candy for the punters. Their ability to operate as croupiers is unimportant. I believe that many of the old staff at the club have left - either pushed out or having left of their own accord because they refused to wear the 'uniform'. After all - the powers that be don't want some old bird with cellulite in their bunny outfits do they??

I had many an argument in my days working for casinos with the girls who allowed themselves to be used like this. Some said I was jealous that I did not have their 'assets'. Some said that it was their choice, their decision to wear skimpy santa suits for the Christmas card shoot and that it was all a bit of fun. I would argue that yes, it was their choice, but that it destroyed any respect we had ever fought for as women. By positioning themselves as sex objects they demeaned not only themselves, but the other women around them.

Maybe I am a killjoy in some people's eyes, but to me the position of women in society is fragile enough without them being put in bunny outfits that have them tottering about in high heels with their boobs and bums hanging out. What on earth is the aim of this? How can this possibly be anything but a backwards step?

Working in a casino is a difficult job. You have to make quick decisions, work out complicated bets, deal with angry clientèle. You have to be aware of so many things and it is a profession already tinged with disrepute. Many people see female croupiers as little more than tarts.

Well, I certainly was not like that. I was a hard working professional and I took pride in my job. Yes I always made sure that I looked as good as I could, because I was in the 'entertainment business' in a way. But that was as far as it went. I cannot believe that the powers that be can have the gall to put women's rights back 50 years by choosing women purely on their physical appearance. And I am gutted that the women who have chosen to work as bunnies are content to be viewed in this way.

I am so angry.

I am an angry Momma. Anyone want to adopt a muddy 13 year old?

What is it with kids? My throat is sore from yelling at my 13 year old. My heart is beating out of my chest and I have had enough.

The other day I rushed to pick him up from school to take him to casualty and get his leg checked out because he hadn't worn shin pads to football and had got kicked. I knew his leg was just badly bruised, but I did the decent motherly thing and got it checked out - leaving my work in the lurch for a couple of hours.

Today he wanted to go into town to buy a new game for the Wii. I duly took him, despite having worked all day and having had a rubbish day at that.

I wash, I clean, I ferry, I help and care in every way I can.He had new school shoes in September, which he has worn to play football in on a muddy field most days. I have cleaned them regularly and when they eventually gave up the ghost on Friday my husband went out and bought a new pair.

So today he wore them for the first time and totally trashed them. He, allegedly, had to referee a game of football during PE. Obviously the fact he did not have his football boots with him was my fault as I had written to say he was to be excused football due to his bruised shin... yeah, right. So he wore his new shoes.

Not only did he not have the courtesy to mention the shoes when he got home, he certainly did not see fit to clean them. I rad the riot act and insisted he did so when I eventually came across them.Well, I have never see such a kak handed attempt. There was mud everywhere. All over my sink, my draining board, my scourer.... obviously still all over the bloody shoes, which, by now, were also soaking wet.

I am afraid to say that this was the final straw. I went totally mental.

Suffice to say his shoes are now clean, stuffed with paper and drying nicely by the radiator. So - he got what he wanted... again.I got a sore throat from shouting and a lump in my throat from frustration. He is banished from all electrical goods and can kiss goodbye to any sort of treats or pleasantries.

Right now all I want to do is cry, drink and have him adopted.Yes, I know Urban Cynic, you told me so.... Give me a cat any day of the bloody week.

Loud music on a summer's day...

I arrived home from a Day School on Exam Preparation today to find my family out in the garden. Unfortunately 2 of the houses that overlook us ( not my neighbours I stress) were playing music really loudly. My husband and close neighbour told me that they had been playing the music all afternoon. Now... I don't mind the gentle sound of music in the distance, or the laughter of children playing... even the sounds of other families enjoying the sunshine... but I do get annoyed by music played at LOUD VOLUME!!!

I am not being a fussy prude here. The music was thumping from both houses and it was just ridiculous. I decided to go and ask them to turn it down - not off-just down. The first house eventually answered the door and let their big Staff out who jumped up at me.I asked them very nicely to turn their music down. I really mean that- I wasn't sarcastic or rude in any way. If anything I was apologetic. They said'ok' and I went to the next house.

The next house was inhabited by a gormless teenager who came to the door only when I jumped up and down infront of his window where he was sitting eating. He was wearing headphones to listen to something so was clearly unaware that his music was blasting. To give him his due he immediately turned the music off for which I thanked him.

Meanwhile house number 1 was still vibrating with the sound of some hideous rapper. I know that at this point I do sound a bit fussy... but I knocked again and asked (the mother this time) if they would mind turning the music down as we were trying to have a barbecue. I couldn't believe her reaction. She was obviously worse for wear, but ,mounted an attack on my children bouncing on trampolines and being noisy. Well... that would be fine if we had a trampoline, but we don't...

So I apologetically thanked her for turning it down and left. She clearly wanted an argument, but I was not going to get involved with a fat old drunk. I was determined to keep my dignity!!

They did not turn their music down for some time, but have now done so. I just wonder why some people are so inconsiderate? Is it their upbringing? I was taught to consider other people and would never dream of having music on at a level that could be heard by other people nearby... never mind a hundred metres away. And if somebody did complain to me about something my first reaction would be to apologise and stop whatever it was...

I wanted to tell her that she was a drunken old chav. I wanted to tell her that she was rude and ignorant... but I didn't. I was brought up to believe that manners count.