From secret housewife to angry fishwife....

I am, usually, a very calm person.Most people I know would probably describe me as pretty chilled out and I have, in the past ( much to my horror) been described as "placid".There are very few circumstances that rile me... I found myself, this weekend, however, in a situation that was both mortifying and unusual.I have discovered that I am not always the calm person I had considered myself.... and more...I have discovered that where my family is involved I am a bit of a tiger...


Yesterday we were watching my eldest play football. My husband runs the touchline most weeks and, to be honest, he is rather fed up of doing it.Before the match he told me that he would do the first half, but then someone else would have to do it.So, half time came and nobody stepped up to help.Although all the other dads had spent the first half moaning about my Man's offside decisions, all of a sudden they were all the walking wounded.There were bad backs, sore legs... you name it they had it. Every possible excuse not to get up and run the line.


So, I'm afraid I lost the plot..... I told them that my Man runs the line every week and never gets to watch his son actually play.They repeated their various ailments and obviously thought it quite amusing.I got up and raised my voice to tell them that they were"out of order", that it wasn't right that none of them could be bothered.I even said I would run the line ( dead glad my Man turned me down on that one as I had tight jeans,a floaty top and no sports bra on )I felt myself race past the point of no return as my voice grew louder and more shrill.I knew that I had turned, a la worm, from quiet yet enthusiastic football mum to all out harridan.


I am afraid that I ranted.Not a quiet, online, bloggy rant, but a full blown, fish wife,ground open up and swallow me with embarrassment rant...And still none of them got up to help.I sat down and shut up and fought back the tears.You could have cut the silence with a knife.


And then, of course, came the self analysis.Was I right to rant?Should I have let myself become quite that irate?Could I not have put my point over in a calmer way?Why did I get involved at all? All these questions swirled around my head.Had I hopelessly embarrassed both myself and my husband?


I think the answer is yes.Yes I could have been calmer and more measured and yes I did prove an embarrassment to our family as a whole.There was no need to get so angry and I don't really know why I reacted in that way. It was totally uncharacteristic of me. But, on the other hand, why should I, or anyone, put up with idle people who can't be bothered to give something back to the team?Should a person sit quietly and be trodden all over?Sometimes you have to stand up and be heard.I just can't sit and do nothing when I feel a member of my family is being wronged.I know it was hardly the Dreyfus Affair, but all my instincts are to protect.


Now I just have to face them all at training tomorrow night....

Little girl lost feelings...

You know, there are days when I feel like the most useless person, like a weirdo that nobody really likes, like a person on the outskirts who other people put up with, but would rather just went off and did something else. Today is one of those days.


I went to play football, to prepare for the big match next week. The team list was given out and I am on the bench. Although I can think of lots of reasons for this and can try and talk myself into being cheerful about it all... I am actually gutted. There are 11 in the team and they have drafted in 2 blokes as well, so my place, and that of my friend who is also new, have been taken by them.


It just takes me back to all those times at school when I was the last one to be chosen for teams. Obviously, I didn't say anything, cos that's not what you do, but I just had the biggest lump in my throat. This has been an emotional weekend, what with my youngest leaving Primary school and me being hormonal too, but this was just one of those things that made me feel unloved, unwanted and ready to quit. Which, I might add, I am not going to do.


I had a good chat with my friend, who is also distantly related ( not that that's got anything to do with the price of eggs) and who is also a sub next week, and we are both feeling the same. We feel that the other girls all know each other really well and have played together for ages and so we don't fit in. We feel like a bit of a burden, like they put up with us.


Well, they need to see that I am not a bad player. I scored 4 goals today and was in some good positions, whereas they tend to wander all over the place. I am not going to give up.


Isn't it annoying though, when you are 45 and you still feel like a little girl lost, who nobody likes. I am just very glad I have my boys and my Man. We are a unit and we love each other and everyone else can just go jump in a lake. As my eldest son said yesterday " Mummy, we are rich in love and as long as we have each other, that's all that matters" Maybe I should take a leaf out of his book.