Secret Housewife and her Open University Degree.

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time ... firstly, thank you!!! Secondly, you will probably know that I have been studying with the Open University for the last 3 years. There is a page that links to every post I have ever written about my study on my tabs up above, from deciding whether or not to do it, through worry and self doubt, through to delight and thorough enjoyment.

Today is a day that I have thought of for a long time - the day that I write my blog and tell you my result ...

I am absolutely thrilled to be able to tell you that I have achieved my B.A (Hons) First Class. I was really hoping for a 2:1 so to get a First is something I can't quite believe!!!

I want to thank each and every one of you who have encouraged me, advised me and been with me on my journey. When I eventually attend my graduation ceremony at Ely Cathedral I will be a blubbering, beaming woman whose heart will burst with pride at achieving something I thought I had failed in my youth. Your support, along with that of my family, is what has kept me going when I doubted myself. Thank you so much.

Split Personality ... and snow.

Its been a funny old week. Its almost as though I live two separate lives. On one hand I spend my working life at the moment in a very strange environment - unable to talk about or indeed write about things that happen, and trying to put a happy face on an unhappy situation. There are days when I leave work fuming and furious for various reasons. I am trying to be understanding and patient, but I am able to do this less and less. On the other hand I lead a bizarre life hobnobbing with all sorts of people. On Wednesday we went to watch the England v Holland game at Wembley, hosting a box with my husband, people outside trying to look in and see some of the people we were with.

How strange! Its weird to feel totally unimportant in one place and totally privileged and fortunate in the other. And neither side knows the other exists.

Moving on from this, my split personality life, I went to look at my allotment today for the first time in ages. I missed the boat when it came to winter crops so the allotment has been lying waiting for Spring. I've been down there once since Christmas to clear away my winter cabbages in the snow ...

I now have the number of a man who deliver manure for me ... (How Exciting!!!) and I have potatoes chitting on my kitchen window sill. So quite soon now I shall start up again. Are you excited?? More photos of veg ... ?? You know you love it!!

A lucky escape ...

I had my hair done on Friday and had a very lucky escape ... I was sitting in the chair, chatting away to my lovely hairdresser, having my highlights done ( Yes ... I know its a shock, but I am not an entirely natural blonde ...)

Well, suddenly, from nowhere, the hairdresser's comb stabbed me in the eye lid. It was one of those long sharp spiky comb ends ...

One minute I was chatting, the next I was holding my eye .. well, not literally my eye ...  Luckily I have lightning reactions and managed to move out the way before it hit my actual eye ball. It glanced onto my eye bone socket thingy ...

I did feel a bit light headed for a second, but quickly recovered and was fine, apart from a tender eye socket, a small cut and the realisation that I had been very lucky.

My poor hairdresser was beside herself. She was so upset - pressing ice packs to my eye, glasses of water and cubes of fudge to my lips ... "30 years of hairdressing!!!" and she had never so much as cut anyone with her scissors, never mind stabbed somebody!!

Poor girl. It was just an accident and I am fine. In fact I am more than fine because she did my hair for no charge. Result! But I do shiver a bit when I think what might have happened ...

A special kind of lie?

I have two sons. Ever since they were born I have tried to create a magical world for them when it comes to Christmas, wobbly teeth, Easter. I wanted them to feel the same way I did, when I was little, about Father Christmas, fairies ...

All went swimmingly for a long time. Each Christmas we would read stories by candlelight about The Polar Express, The Night Before Christmas, A Christmas Carol ... We would watch films about traditional Christmases and happy families touched by the warmth and magic of Santa, tooth fairies, Easter Bunnies ...

And then, one day, I went too far ... further than glitter sprinkled as fairy dust on my hearth, further than leaving teeth marks from Santa's reindeer on the carrots we left out ... One day I wrote a letter 'from Santa' to my son. I disguised my writing and wrote what I thought was a lovely heartfelt letter from a magical old man.

I reckoned without my son's razor sharp intelligence and powers of deduction.

He knew the letter was from me. He recognised my handwriting even though I had written with my left hand, in green ink, in curly wurly writing. He was not overjoyed to receive the letter, he was suspicious. That suspicion led to investigation and the investigation led to my house of magical cards crumbling before my very eyes.

In his eyes I had deceived him. All his life I had lied to him. About everything. Santa, The Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny ( although, in my defence I don't remember introducing the Easter Bunny - even for me that seemed a step too far towards the ridiculous!!)

In his words "My whole life has been a sham." ... Difficult to take from an 11 year old. And strangely over-dramatic, I am tempted to say ...

So. Would I do the same again? My youngest son continued to believe until this year and the reality of the whole Father Christmas situation seemed to dawn on him without too much trauma. It was more a "Well, it was good while it lasted, Mum and do I still get presents even if there isn't really an old bloke who climbs down the chimney?" kind of scenario.

So ... two boys, two very different reactions. I think I would do it all again.After all, I think its part of my job as a mum to create a world of imagination and wonder for my children. I remember how I felt at Christmas and I wanted my boys to feel that same joy and excitement. But is it right to lie? I spend my whole time putting emphasis on how absolutely essential it is to be honest. Lies will always catch you out. And yet I lied through my teeth to them for the first 11 years of their lives when it came to such things.

I suppose its one of those things you can only decide for yourself when the time arrives. As a parent you just try your best to do the right thing.

Hot flushes and night sweats ...

Ok - I know that this isn't one of my most glamorous posts ... after all nobody wants to admit that they wake up in the middle of the night feeling like a pig in a sauna, but sometimes you just have to share ...

Not me!!!

It started about two years ago now. I would go a bit red for no reason at all. Then I started to go really hot. It would come from nowhere and sweep up my body as if I was being squeezed through a red hot mangle in a sweaty laundry somewhere! One minute I was normal, the next I would be plunged into a volcano of seething hormones ...

My colleagues would give a nudge, nudge, wink, wink ... "Oooops! Having a flush are we Sarah?!" they would smirk as I opened all the windows in mid February.

To be honest, it doesn't bother me. I have learned that nobody else can actually tell if I am having a hot flush, unless I start opening all the windows and huffing and puffing. If I just pretend its not happening it goes away eventually. I have a friend who is going through a similar thing and she is quite upset by it all ... I suppose its because it signals the end of our youth ...

If I am going to be graphic I could say that its the start of us shrivelling up and getting OLD!!! Now, you're either devastated by that thought or you just get on with it. After all there's absolutely nothing we can do is there? Personally I think its quite funny that one minute I was in my twenties - slim, young and carefree - and the next minute here I am careering towards 50 with two teenage sons, an allotment and a penchant for Johnny Depp!

I suppose it could be worse ... waking up in the middle of the night feeling hotter than a nylon shirt in a tumble dryer certainly saves on heating bills ...

I'm not sure how other people cope with ... duh, duh, duuuuhhhh "the change", but I am fine about it. I have had my children, certainly don't want any more and apart from the temporary inconvenience of being a bit hot and clammy there don't seem to be any other problems. I think my friend finds the emotional side upsetting. The whole "end of an era " thing. But to me you just have to get on with life. If this is the worst condition I have to cope with then lucky old me!

I don't feel old - age has always been just a number to me - and I don't plan on letting this whole "change" doo dah effect me. If anything I find it really interesting, watching my body decay transform before my very eyes. And it is pretty amazing what a good foundation, some powder and an industrial strength deodorant can do for a girl ...

Book Review of The Silk Box by Shirley Mihoko Hairston

There are times when you just get a feeling about a book when you read the bumph on the back cover. When I read the blurb about Shirley Mihoko Hairston’s novel The Silk Box I knew that I had to read it and I hoped that it would live up to my expectations. I am extremely happy to be able to say that it did.

It is the true story of the writer’s parents – Mi-Chan, her mother, was a survivor of the Hiroshima atomic bomb and Sonny, her father, a young black American stationed in Japan during the Korean War. Both have to cope with the prejudices of their society and yet, when they meet, the two societies fade away in the strength of their love – love at first sight.

The story of their lives unfolds like the petals of a flower, beautifully drawn by Shirley Mihoko Hairston. Most of the novel follows Mi-Chan and Sonny separately, showing the reader their lives and struggles, through flash backs, and by the end I was praying for them to be able to get together. Both face their trials and tribulations with integrity and honour. The thread of their story is intertwined with many other lives, occasionally touching each other’s lives and bound with the absolute certainty in both their hearts that they were meant to be together.

This is the story of their journey to be with each other.

The vivid images of Japan, America, the suffering of so many people and the joy earned through experience and love will remain with me for a very long time. Hairston writes like an artist, splashing gorgeous colours of emotion throughout The Silk Box, creating a story that flows effortlessly, a story I could only put down when other duties or sleep called. Her love of her parents and the incredible love they had for each other envelopes everything. To know that this is a true story is even more moving.

It is remarkable to read such an honest and well written book. It is one thing to have such a story to tell, it’s yet another to be able to write it in a way that guides the reader invisibly and enfolds them in the story you are writing. Shirley Mihoko Hairston does just this. As I reached the last pages of The Silk Box my heart ached. I just did not want it to end. I wanted to know everything about Mi-Chan and Sonny’s lives after the book had closed and I hope that the author will write a follow up book so I can immerse myself again in the lives of two amazing people and their family.

I can honestly say that this is one of the best books I have ever read. It both touched and inspired me and I would recommend it to anyone.

Article first published as Book Review of The Silk Box by Shirley Mihoko Hairston on Blogcritics.

Positivity ... not.

Right, now call me a hypocrite if you will and, to be honest, I probably am ... but having extolled the virtues of positivity like some sanctimonious ... well, positive person ... I now see that most of my 2012 posts have been moans. I plan to continue in this vein with the following post, so please accept my apologies.

Its like this ...

•  I've got the decorators coming in tomorrow and my house is a tip
• I'm on a course until the end of the week so I have no time to do anything
• I'm trying to organise a group skiing holiday which keeps going pear shaped
• I have 1500 more words of a 2000 word essay to be done by Wednesday night
• I have a thumping headache

Now obviously the first thing I would advise if I was reading this would be to ... 

GET OFF THE BLOODY COMPUTER AND DO SOME WORK!!!!!

However, I have been working, non-stop, since 7am and I am due a break.

Its one of those times when I just feel snowed under and this blog is a good way of putting all my worries down on paper so I can sort them out and do something about them. I have always done this - its one of the reasons I started my blog. Unfortunately for you it means that my readers have to put up with a bit of a frenzied moan and groan. As I say ... my apologies.

I am telling myself that this time next week it will all be sorted. The house will be sparkly and freshly painted, I will have a holiday to look forward to, my essay will be done ( by hook or by crook) and this headache will be a distant memory.

Its weird isn't it how things can just pile up and drive you nuts? Each thing by itself is ok, but together they weigh me down. Its kind of pathetic really - after all I'm hardly facing a torrid time. In fact now that I've written my worries down I am wondering whether I should just delete them as I sound like a complete idiot.

Well, I'm not going to delete them. I am a normal mum/woman with normal worries. I am not the only one sitting at my laptop tonight feeling a bit stressed and, let's face it, its better to blog than to drown my sorrows with a bottle of Merlot. Well ... maybe I might do a mini drown with a glass of the stuff rather than a bottle, but hey. Life sends you worries and part of life is getting through them in the best way you can.

If you have made it through to the end of my moan, well done and thank you!

Argentine Tango by Vincent and Flavia at Strictly Come Dancing 2009

Oh my goodness, but I love this!! I hope you do too ...

Happy New Year 2012!!!

Happy New Year to everyone out there in Blogging Land!! I hope that you all have a great 2012 filled with health and happiness. None of us knows what the future will bring  - I just hope that most of it for the majority of us is happy.

Some of it, I suppose depends on our own view of life.I am pretty much a 'glass half full' kind of girl whereas I know quite a few people who are in the 'glass half empty' camp. When asked if I am ok I do tend to answer in the positive, unless things are reeeeeeally bad. The last thing anyone wants is some down in the mouth moaning minnie, sighing and groaning all over the place.

A good friend of mine never ceases to amaze me with their Eeyore style melancholy. Nothing ever goes well for them - life is always a trial. If I didn't love them so much for who they are in spite of this melancholy bent, I suspect I would have bruising from banging my head against their wall! I feel like grabbing them and saying "Come on!! Pull yourself together!! We only live once so enjoy life!!! Look for the beauty, look for the positive in all you have!!" But I think that if I did say that this person would probably head butt me ... No, not really, but I would be hurting them by drawing their attention to it ... so I don't.

There are other people I know whose lives are very difficult, both financially and emotionally, and yet they continue through their days with a smile on their face and a kind word for all those around them.They never paint their lives as difficult and I both admire their strength and enjoy their company.

So ... which of these will I be this year? Which will you be? I wonder what joys, what trials, what mysteries await us? All we can do is deal with each moment we live in the best way we can. No regrets, no opportunities missed, no words of love or encouragement left unsaid ...

Happy New Year!!