Wednesday, 26 November 2008

This way lies madness...

I have calmed down now, but today has been one of those days... you know the ones ? The ones where you just feel like nothing, like life is a complete waste of time. And yes, I know that this is complete and utter self pity, but this is my blog and I'll cry if I want to...

I won't go into the ins and outs of it all, it may even be just down to hormones ( those evil buggers ), but suffice to say that I ended the day hating everyone, from my family to general passers by. I couldn't even hide it today. For the first time in, well probably years, I felt genuinely depressed - the sort of numb hatred of existence.

I don't like feeling like this, but it helps me to write about it. Much as I reason to myself that I have a brilliant life with wonderful boys and a fabulous husband, days like this just suck the life blood from me. There is no rhyme or reason - a combination of events to make me feel invisible, worthless. My rational head says " Get a grip, woman. You have everything and more " My self pitying, whingeing alter ego sinks deeper into the mire.

I think the only answer is to go to bed determined to wake up happier tomorrow and to spend my day totally involved with other people - to forget "me, me, me ". No doubt I will wake in the morning, horrified that I have written this on here, but that is the great thing about blogging - the honesty born of anonymity, whether the subject matter be good, bad or indifferent.


Gail said...

You are not alone! My sister, Beverly and I have had the pity roller coaster this week too.
I understand the hating of everyone, then you feel quilty, but the actual hating does relieve some of it I think.
You will be better tomorrow...this way lies no madness but a normal honest female.
By the way my word verification was inginl-ness I tell you this too shall pass.

Sarah said...

Thank you Gail. I hope you and your sister are feeling better too. S

Gail said...

Did you survive turkey day or do you have one?
My sister and I are up and down. Pretty lucky that we alternate days so we can knock each other out of it.
Life is just s--- sometimes and I guess we have to learn to go with the flow.
Hope you are feeling better. Any time you need to groan in private, email me and I'll moan with you.