I was listening to the radio today. A celebrity was talking about his new autobiography, and how he found it quite difficult to write as he did not dwell on the past at all. It got me thinking. My father-in-law, who has been ill recently, spends most of his time talking about things that happened 20, 30 years ago, maybe more. Its as if the past 20 years haven't happened for him.
It made me look at myself and I was surprised, although I don't know why, to realise that I rarely think about the past. Yes, I occasionally think about my father and the memories of him move me, but they are memories of the feel of him, how his hands looked, the way he ran... I don't dwell on events in the past.
I live my life for today, this moment. I don't really spend a lot of time looking to the future either. I may plan my work for next week, or think about what I am going to buy for my husband on Valentines Day, but I don't spend ages worrying about what might or might not happen in 10 years time.
I am not sure whether this is the norm or not. I have no faith, although I once did, and I have thought long and hard about what I believe. I find myself content in the life I lead, doing my best to help others along the way, failing in many ways I'm sure. I do not believe in a Heaven or a Hell , but I respect those who do. After all, none of us know for sure until we die, do we ? When I was strong in my faith I believed that I could just trust and all would be well... I did not need any proof. But now my faith is in living each day in the best way I can. I am not afraid, at this point in my life, of dying. I saw my dad die painfully and I hope that I will have his strength and dignity when my time comes.
No, I live for now. Not in the sense that I lead a wild, debauched life... I am sensible and ordinary, but in the way that I try to enjoy each moment, I try to make my life rich by making the lives of those around me richer. I don't know if I succeed, but I try.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me particularly, and I am pretty sure there are some out there ( thinking of Armageddon's comment last post here ) who would deeply disagree with me. I am happy that I have come to this stage in my life, where I can feel content. Of course, I may change as I grow older, and like my father-in-law I may come to dwell on happier times in my past.But, right now, these are my happier times.