Friday, 22 June 2012

Blogging conference nerves ...

I am sitting on my sofa with freshly painted toenails and a tummy that is rumbling for breakfast.Its also rumbling with nerves. I am heading off in about 3 hours to the BritMums blogging conference - BritMums Live 2012. I have a lovely hotel to stay in and I am sure that the conference will be great ... but ....

I am asking myself "What the Hell am I doing??" I know nobody there and to be honest my little blog is just that - my little blog. Its just my way of freeing myself of the stuff in my head. I read about bloggers who are sponsored, featured in magazines and newspapers, bloggers who seem to be totally confident, totally professional. And I seem to have fallen into this. I am so tempted not to go. The only reason I am going is because my husband has been so lovely in paying for my hotel.

I am worried about getting there. Worried about finding the hotel, finding the conference centre, getting back to the hotel ... What about food tonight?? I read about bloggers who are planning on going out together for meals, going for drinks ... Oh God. I reckon I will be back in my room with room service chips and crap tv.

On the outside I hope I appear calm and confident, but on the inside I am totally twitching, afraid that everyone will think me odd, boring ... Sorry about all this. You would think that by now I would have a tad more confidence.

This year has been a bit of a bugger so far and I feel so exhausted by life in general. I'm not going into details on here, but between work and family I just feel like curling up in a little ball some days. And I have put on loads of weight ... could as well get all my moans out in one go ... I am going to a very glam party on Monday and thought I would try on my possible outfits. The little black dress I wore to a similar party two summers ago will not zip up. There is a gap of probably 7 inches ... It turns out that all the eating, drinking and total lack of exercise has actually had an effect. I don't weigh myself but I have turned into an unfit, matronly blob. And I'm not saying that to get your sympathy. Its true.

So here I am. Feeling sorry for myself. Worried. Overweight. Come on woman!! I have to stop this. Just put on a smile, think about other people, get out there. I know I will pull myself up, its just that right now I feel a bit wobbly. I am sure there are other women going to BritMums Live who are feeling just as rubbish. Not everyone is actually as chirpy and confident as they sound on Twitter are they?

I will write again this evening from my hotel room and hopefully I will be full of enthusiasm. I just need to get my head round how lucky I am ... appearance is not important, its how you are on the inside ... just need to smile and think of making other people feel relaxed ...

Perhaps I will start by cleaning my teeth.

2 comments:

gina caro said...

I feel like this whenever I go anywhere. I'm sure you will be fine and have a great time. Look for the 'Butterflys' when you're there, (group of friendly mums helping other who don't know anyone) x

sarah at secret housewife said...

Thanks for commenting Gina. Feeling much better today and have has some lovely chats with some great people. Are you here??! I will look out for you. x