Friday, 23 February 2007

Feeling blue....................

How can I feel top of the world one day and down in the depths the next? Tonight my man is at work. I won't see much of him tomorrow as it is Footballday and then he goes to visit his dad until late Sunday night. Then back to work for me. Tonight I just want to cry. I sit here after a full day working and trying to be a good mum and I wonder why I bother. Every night at the moment I seem to have a row with son#2, and every night I end up in tears. I try so hard to be a good wife, good friend, good mummy and yet inside, sometimes I am just falling apart.People in the real world think I am this happy, calm person, confident and bright, but a lot of the time it is a facade. After I had both my boys I had Post Natal Depression and I know that things are not as bad as that by a long way, but some nights I feel the darkness drawing in around me again. I don't want to bore people with my down times , but this is the place where I can write my thoughts to try and free my mind. I know that in the morning I will be ok, but here as I sit alone, tears streaming down my face I am lost.

9 comments:

slaghammer said...

I often think of the misery my brothers and I put my dear old mom though back in the olden days. She lived in constant fear of those telephone calls that came on such a regular basis, calls from schoolteachers, emergency rooms, police officers, etc. I’m forty seven years old and I still apologize to her on occasion.

Farm Wife said...

Oh sweet, I am so sorry you are low. I understand. BabyGirl and I have a knockdown-dragout every morning before school and at least one more before bed. It's the worst part of being a mother. I love her so dearly, and she can make me so crazy...and then I cry. Husband doesn't understand. I don't know what to do with her and it wears me down.

Here's hoping the morning comes soon and a little relief for my friend aross the pond... :)

Sarah said...

Thank you to both of you. The morning is brighter and part of me wishes I hadn't been quite so honest last night. I am not usually a self-pitier, but, as you say my lovely Farm wife, its all part of being a mum and if I can't write how I feel here then what is the point of my blog? It helped to write last night and today I'm ok.
I think one of the reasons I like your blog Farm wife is because we have a lot in common with the children. Sometimes its good to know you're not the only one who gets worn down.

Thanks for visiting Slaghammer and for writing. Please come and visit again - I'm not always miserable & nuts !

Anonymous said...

Just for the record, GB2, you are not a good friend......you are a fabulous, wonderful, kind,thoughtful friend!I know what you mean about putting on a facade but please never feel you have to put one on in front of me! We'll make the 'Quiet Room' facade free!!! Go and give those lovely boys a big hug and just remember you are a wonderful Mummy! Love GB1

P.S your blog entries are just brilliant!

Sarah said...

GB1 you have just made my weekend!! You are so lovely to write such nice stuff.I think you are right about the Quiet Room. Maybe we ought to start a chocolate stash in there too ? Or maybe wine ? Do you think Mrs W would approve ? love GB2 aka OH1

trixie stix said...

I'm sorry I was gone during this time. But I know your heart on this. It should pass. But know if it does not, you have your friends near and far to hold your hand and help you through. Stay strong.

Sarah said...

Thank you Trixie. I count myself very fortunate to have friends like you. I may not know your face, but I know your heart. S

emily said...

I haven't been on-line in a few days. I'm so sorry I missed this. I know how you feel. And I'm not just saying it. I really do. I think a lot of us do. It's horribly hard being a mother, and it's almost impossible to describe. And depression that comes and goes is even harder to explain. You are not the only one. Even though we're all far and wide, we're with you. I'm with you.

Sarah said...

Thank you Emily. You know, I never thought that I would be so lucky as I have been to meet my on-line friends. I really really appreciate your care and thoughts. And I'm glad you came back Emily! You're right, being a mum is so hard and I know that you other mums out there really do understand. S