Monday, 26 March 2007

Am I naive................?

I have to ask you what you think about this. A little while ago we ( my teacher & I) were observed by some important other. I had a group to work with which was a mixture of children from the 2 bottom ability groups. Unusual, but hey, I could handle it. We sat on the carpet for our work and I have to say that they were really badly behaved. Loud, off task, generally pretty obnoxious to be honest. I was aware that we were being observed ( helloooo, of course !! ) and I managed to settle them down and get them back on track. We completed our work.

After, when the observer was gone, I apologised to my teacher. " Oh God, they were a nightmare. I'm so sorry. "

Back at home, talking over the day I told my Man about it as I felt I had let her down. He told me that I was "so naive ".That she put me with that group on purpose to make herself look good with the lovely, well behaved, bright group. I couldn't believe it. How could someone be so mean ? So malicious ? Someone I work with every day and consider myself quite close to.

No, I thought. No. And then, today, I talked about it with GB1, my gorgeous friend who works in the class next door. She was on my Man's side. ( not that there are " sides" ) Now GB1 is a smart cookie who has worked at school for longer than me. She was completely unfazed by the idea that my teacher could have done this and seemed to think it probable.

I am so shocked. Now I know that I have no proof that she did this, but 2 people I really respect have the same opinion of her. My Man said tonight that he thought she ( teacher ) was a cold fish and very ambitious.

If it is true then I feel so hurt. I would never dream of doing such a thing. Never. And it throws our whole working relationship into an unknown and very rocky area. I must be very naive. The idea never even occurred to me that she could do that. I don't know, am I naive?

I am a nice, honest person. I have no ambition where this job is concerned. I do it because I love the children. But, I tell you, if this is right about her..............

1 comment:

Margot said...

It can be true that she did it on purpose... It can be that your man and your friend are mistaking too... I don't know. The only person who really knows is she (your teacher)...
It doesn't mean that you're naive. It just means you have faith in people. And that's not something to blame yourself for. On the contrary.
As you say it, you are a good person and that's the most important part of the whole story.
Be yourself, and whether that teacher of yours really is someone dishonest shouldn't get you out of self-confidence.
I understand your disappointed, I really do but the only thing you really need to keep in mind is that you are good.
If she was dishonest and did it on purpose, someday she will have to cope with herself about that.