Ok... I am still a bit miserable... the emptiness lingers on inside me, but I will not be beaten. Thank you to lovely Kork and Gail for your kindness and love. I may never meet you face to face, but we have already met heart to heart. You lifted me up when I needed lifting and I will not forget.
There is a place I have found that is full of beautiful words and images. A place that yesterday made me cry because I felt so useless, such a failure in the light of the author's obvious talent, but today made me feel glad that I had found it and today revealed to me the lovely poem below. I was pointed in the right direction by Blue. It is the blog/web site of an artist and poet jenlemen and it is full of such lovely writing, gorgeous words and paintings. I am reproducing, below, a poem that touched me . I hope you like it.
even if you are not perfect
even if you don’t know the answer
even if you are horribly confused
even if you can’t make anyone feel better
even if you don’t know how to make yourself well
even if you made a mistake
even if you don’t know how to be
even if you are ashamed
even if you are hopeless
even if you don’t quite fit in
even if you are scared
even if you are lonely
even if you shouldn’t be having such a hard time right now
even if you don’t think so
even if you haven’t found your place yet
even if you aren’t proud of yourself
even if no one has really seen you before
even if you don’t know what to do
even if you try too hard
even if you’re disappointed
even if you don’t really like yourself right now
even if you are beyond good advice
even if you don’t know how to cry
even if you think this post must be meant for someone other than you.
One warm, sunny afternoon on the Oregon Coast, when everyone was laughing and talking and telling their truest stories, I had a wave of sadness come over me and I knew I needed to go sit on the sand for a little time away from my dear friends. Walking towards that massive sea and endless blue sky, I had never felt more solitary in some ways or more alone in this particular part of my journey. I could feel that familiar rush of despair coming to me when the beauty of the place captured my heart. I sat down right there and let the water speak to me, and that blue sky, and I realized I could never be alone really, as long as I was walking on this earth. That the earth herself was holding me, making sure I had a place to land with every step I take.
I hope today you will look up into the sky and then all the way down to your feet. That is the earth you are standing on. She is holding you. She is sending you all the love she has in her heart. She is there for you. She will not let you go.
by Jen Lemen