Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Posted by Sarah Pellew
I was watching tv last night, surprise, surprise.... and the chap on the programme I was watching was saying that he was a professional diver. It got me thinking and wondering...why didn't I have a job like that? Why did I not become a marine biologist and travel the world ??
And what struck me was that I could have done it. I passed my Open diving qualification in 1991 when I was in Australia and have dived there and in the Maldives.Why did I not take that extra step?I could have been anything.I just think that I did not have the belief that I could do it. I always thought that "other people" did that kind of thing.
My parents always wanted me to be happy, which is, of course, marvelous, but they didn't push me or tempt me to believe that I could do extraordinary things.Of course, its not their fault.My life is my responsibility, but I wonder why it never occurred to me until now, when I am 45, that I could have been what other people are.
I am not thinking or writing clearly so you may not quite "get" what I am trying to say. The thing is, I am happy with my life, but I wonder what would have happened to me if I had had some get up and go and some confidence in myself?There is no reason why I couldn't have been a diver or a lawyer or a journalist...or at least tried to be one of those.
The fact is, whether you think this corny or not, you can be whatever you want to be if only you believe.If you are interested in acting, like I was, why not go for it? Why not go to Drama School?If you love writing... write.I have a lot in my life, but I am thinking this evening that maybe I could have done more... maybe I will do more.I have to believe that life doesn't just happen to other people. Its not just other people who have careers and are important.
I remember overhearing a conversation that my parents were having with some friends when I was about 10 years old. Always a dangerous thing, to overhear conversations. At the time I was reading "The Count of Monte Cristo" by Alexandre Dumas and I heard my Dad say to his friend that my reading was extraordinary for my age.Amazed I pushed the door open and shyly asked " Do you really think my reading is amazing?" He pushed the door shut in my face and told me not to listen to other people's conversations.
I slunk away, crushed.In that short space of time I was both elated to think perhaps I was special in some way, and then devestated.Its little things like that that shape our lives.Don't get me wrong, I had a very priveleged upbringing in many ways, but it is worth remembering how easily a word or look can change the course of someone's life.
As time goes by I grow more confident, but the saying that "youth is wasted on the young" does echo round my head some days!I am hardly an old crone and I don't want you to think that I am feeling sorry for myself... on this occasion at least, I am not!! But do not sit back and wait for life to happen to you. Sieze the day, carpe diem, get out there and grab the bull by the horns... because if you don't someone else will....