Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Degree hopes disappear down toilet...

I have struggled to remain chirpy today as the reality of completing my Degree has begun to hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I have to get 100 points, made up from probably 2 Year 3 courses of 60 points each. I will be or would have been doing this part time, through the Open University, whilst I continue to work.

Now, going straight in to a Third Year course after 25 years of no study, no essay writing, is quite something. Choosing my subject is quite something. I spoke to an advisor yesterday and was pretty excited at doing a Second Year French course. This starts in February and runs through until October, I think, next year. Its pretty hard, but achievable.

But then I started thinking.Ok... one course at Level 2, will get me 60 points, but at the wrong level. I would still have to do 2 more courses at Level 3. Another 2 years worth on top of the Level 2. I know, its complicated, but stick with me!!

So, I can't go straight in at Level 3 with French and looking at the English courses... well they just blow me away. And they all cost... between £600 and £1100 per course. That's £2500 before I even think about books or residential parts.

And there is my age, too. 3 years to finish my Degree. 1 year to do a PGCE ( Post Graduate Certificate of Education). By the time I start looking for a teaching job I will be 50.

And through all this, we can't even afford to take our kids on holiday... so why am I chasing a pipe dream? By the time I finished they would be 16 and 14 . I am not making any snap decisions, but it looks like a luxury we can't afford, just to satisfy a whim of mine.

If I can learn anything from this, it will be not to let my own children fail their potential. The girl I was 25 years ago had the world at her feet and I let it all slip away. If I start going down the route of could have, would have, should have..... well I would go mad. It happened and I don't have too much to complain about when I look at my life. But, I won't let that happen to my boys. I won't let them walk away from their potential without even a conversation.

I think that this has taught me a valuable lesson, and when it comes down to it I have a good life. If I hadn't dropped out of University I would not have met my Man. Let's face it - we can't all have everything in life, can we?


Bill Stankus said...

When I was young and ping ponging through college, I thought I understood stuff. I guess the learning process did sink in because life's quest has always been that of wanting to know more, to understand more and to fiddle with the ultimate question of "Why?"

Despite our best efforts, our children haven't had the same hunger to learn that I had and still have. Seems best to relax about that, all we can do is what we do and ever so often push ourselves to do a little more.

Sarah said...

I still have that desire to learn - I never lost it. At the time of my course, all those years ago, I just couldn't cope with being by myself and having no support. Spent most of my time in tears.I was a bit of a wreck!All this will sort out in the end.It just feels a bit sad at the moment that the whole Degree thing is not going to happen.S

Elise said...

Now Sarah - STOP beating yourself up about this you hear ?

I think life creeps up on all of us and at some poitn we start to realise that maybe there are things we've let through our fingers. But.... that's the point. You had to let something go to get the life you have now.

And there is more than just lettings things slip.

My favourite quote of all time says "two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less travelled, and that has made all the difference".

So, you took a path that not everyone takes when you saw the options you had at that time. Great.

Now you have more forks to choose from !

Your desire to learn all the time is a great thing - not everyone is the same - and maybe that has given you these new options ?

I think there is nothing wrong with letting your kids experience everything and showing what the options are, but they will have to choose their own paths when the time comes and all you can do is arm them with knowledge.

Sounds like you are the perfect Mum to do that doesn't it ? Especially if you finish the degree and maybe have to forgo a holiday or two along the way. Money where mouth is and all that.....

Kerrie said...

Don't give up. If you really really want to do it everything is possible. I do believe in that.Is there another way intp teaching if that is what you want to do?

I think to be honest we all do this, when we are young ,we don't really know what we want and then life sneaks up on us and it turns out just fine.I know I am certainly not doing what I planned, but am I any less hapy for it? No.

irene said...

Tough balancing practicalities and dreams...I hope you find what you're looking for.

Happy weekend!