Wednesday, 21 October 2009

An update on a crazy life...

Ok... here I am again.Sorry not to have been here for so long, but life here has been a little manic.First things first... thank you to everyone who has left comments, kind thoughts and advice about my son.You really helped. Let me update you.

Despite being very reluctant to go to school we persuaded my son to go,and you know what? He had a lovely day and a lovely week.The school spoke to him and e-mailed me to say that bullying in any form was unacceptable. utterly.He has not had a problem with these older boys since. Fingers crossed that it continues this way.What a massive relief that it has all been nipped in the bud.

We move on now to problem number two... He has asked me to open a Facebook page for him.We have discussed it and I said no.And then, tonight, I discover that he set it up any way... with my e-mail address and with false info regarding his age.So... I deleted the account and spoke to him about trust, honesty, doing the right thing.

He spent quite a long time telling me that I 'didn't understand' and then that he hated me and wanted me to die.Nice.I don't know about you, but I must have missed out on the instruction leaflet for " how to raise boys" when I left the hospital 11 years ago. I seem to be going wrong somewhere.It is so bloody exhausting trying to help him, support him and, at the same time, deal with him saying such awful things to me.

I know starting a new school is hard for him and he is dealing with all sorts of 'stuff', but blimey o'reilly, why do I get all the grief?? I am flying by the seat of my pants here - trying to run my house, work 20 hours a week, study for a degree and do all the 'kid stuff'.I feel like I am juggling about 15 flaming torches and pretty soon something is going to drop.

I felt that I coped well tonight - I ended up with him calm and apologetic, although still upset clearly. I keep telling him that I love him absolutely, but that I have to be able to trust him.This is all new and untrodden country for us.I am just so grateful that its Half Term next week. I am so tired... Dealing with this sort of thing leaves me feeling like he has ripped out my soul, chewed it up and spat it out at my feet...

On a good note, I am LOVING my course.I have finished my first essay and am just typing it up to send off to my tutor. Its an analysis of a passage of prose from Pride and Prejudice.The more I read and the more I study, the happier I am that I signed up for it. It is my little oasis of calm. It will be very interesting to get it back and see my mark. I have no idea what level I am at, so this first essay will be a benchmark.All the other people at my tutorial nearly fell off their chairs when I said I had done nothing academic for 23 years!! And not in a good way...

One last thing... thank you for signing up to follow me.Thank you for keeping visiting.Please don't stop.


Gail said...

You are loving the challenge of school because it allows you to wear a differant hat. A hat you have not worn for a while. You are a person again in that class, not a mom, not a wife, but a REAL student and that gives you confidence.

Enjoy it.

Children do not come with manuals. Wish they did. I am getting to experience raising a boy now, thirteen. I have faced things, not just because he is a boy, but because of the times.

Our parents never had to worry about us sneaking onto the internet because most of us did not even have television and we always had work to do.

I have discovered the best answer, you may laugh, or say, I would never...but here's the truth and I learned through having foster children and dealing with judges. Just another version of what my dad would say, "As long as you live under my roof..."
A child is just that, a child, and as such they have no legal rights(sounds bad doesn't it?) Block access to the computer, you can put in a password and he cannot access it unless you sign him in. If you let him in, you retain all rights to viewing his stuff anytime you want to do so. Not because you are mean and awful but because of the unsafeness out there.

Listen to me preach, I will shut up and just paraphrase Bill Cosby, the funny guy. Bill said his father always told him, I brought you into this world and I can take you out.

You da boss!!!

Sue said...

Ugh Sarah... parenting is such a thankless job and such hard work. I'm so sorry that you are going through such a tough time. Just remember, this too shall pass..... It's the truest thing ever said.

Sophia said...

I wish I could say that I understand the whole parenting thing, but I do not have any children just yet in my life. I do wish the best in it all. Glad to hear that your son liked school after all.

Karen said...

I'm glad things got sorted. As for being a mum and getting lots of grief... welcome to my world! :) I've been through it all with my 16 yr old daughter. My 11 yuur old son just looks at her behaviour in amazement and I tell him that in a couple years he'll be doing the same. It's definately a teenage thing - hormones, fits of rage, pushing the boundries... I can't tell you how many times I've been called something or told I am hated. It's horrible, but it has to be taken with a grain of salt. Believe me, they do come around & see the error of their ways - and (sometimes) apologise! And I can certainly remember being a little sh*t with my parents! (Maybe in my case it's karma!) Hang in there!
Karen x

Urban Cynic said...

I personally think that it was wrong (yet enterprising) of your son to set up his Facebook page against your wishes, but I do think his having one shouldn't be too much of an issue.

If you sit down with him & discuss Internet privacy settings & how to ensure that he is safe online then he will be fine. Social Media is the way business is going & he is one of the new generation of social media users - I think it's important that (at some point) he learns how to use it effectively.

Most kids have FB pages now & as long as he uses it wisely, you can see what he's doing, & his time on it is limited, then it's a great way for him to feel socially in the loop.

It's important that he's savvy about the internet & privacy etc as it will stand him in good stead for the future - it would be better if you teach him how to use it effectively & the perils of using it badly. There's lots of webpages about internet safety so maybe read up & approach it with him again at some point but have ground rules.

it's more about the trust issue than the facebook page I think. (then again, I have no kids so feel free to ignore me!)

trixie stix said...

I am glad things ended up well.

As for Facebook, we do not let our 17 year old on Facebook. . . too much drama and too much information can get out there to undesirables. I am in the minority on this, but feel it works best for our family. Yet. . . I blog. Hmmmmmmm.