Please forgive me if I indulge myself with a few heartfelt tears... I was surprised to see my latest essay back this afternoon....well a few minutes ago, and I am gutted by my mark.The thing is... I worked really hard on it, writing copious notes on Byron and Charlotte bloody Dacre and when I came to write I just could not fit all my ideas in.And so I cut it down to size and, to be honest with you, I really enjoyed writing it.
But now I get it back and my mark is crap and I feel crap and I wonder if my next one will be equally rubbish.I don't even know where to start with the next one - discussing whether Alice Walker portrayed black men as sweet and loveable in The Colour Purple. I am behind with my reading because I worked so hard on the Byron essay and I feel miserable.
Yes, I know, I need to get a life, but this means so much to me and my little old ego is somewhat fragile... I will pull myself together and sort all this out, but before now I have been able to guess pretty much what sort of grade I would achieve... and I thought I had done ok this time... WRONG!!
Maybe I need to think about it this way... I am not doing this to get a mega job, I am doing this for my own satisfaction and, let's face it, I am not going to fail. Even if I get a low pass it will still be a pass. But you know I don't want to do that, don't you? I want to do well and this essay has me thinking that I am not as clever as I hoped.Actually I should never have started this.... if at first you don't succeed, give up because you were probably bound for failure anyway...
I may just go and drink myself to death.