A dress to die for... and thousands nearly did.

Despite the fact that I have shed 16 pounds of lard since Christmas, finding a dress for my big party next week has not been easy. I cannot tell you the number of little black, little purple and little red dresses I have tried on.I found my perfect dress - midnight blue, backless, sparkly - within days of beginning the hunt. The only problem was that although it was perfect from the waist down, it was not so perfect from the waist up. I cannot tell you what sort of a dog's dinner I looked... boobs are not all they're cracked up to be...

I can now tell you what most stores within a 50 mile radius of London have for sale in the way of sexy evening dresses. I can tell you what the inside of most changing rooms within that radius look and smell like... I have caught my voluptuous flesh in zips... I have become trapped in bandeau style frocks and had to fight my way both in and out of fabric that could set the Hertfordshire skyline alight with its man made static electricity.On a hot day deodorant has been my only friend.

And now? Daaaa  Daaaaaaaa!!!!!! I have the dress! I have fallen in love with the ladies of John Lewis fashion department for they have saved me. Not only have they saved me, they have primped and preened me, flattered me, brought different sizes for me and told me I was gorgeous!! Other ladies in the changing rooms have gathered around me and told me I was lovely...

It... the dress,  is black... bandeau.... elegant... draped.... fitted... sexy. Its by Coast.I have put it on my credit card and am trying to forget how much it cost - concentrating more on its timeless elegance and the fact that I will look fab going round Tesco's in it when I finally lose my mind. I will wear it with a sheer wrap and diamonds ( let's pretend for a moment that they are real...)

this is not it. this is not me. but its black, its bandeau and you get the idea??


So... thank you John Lewis, thank you Coast.... thank you my friends and family who have had to put up with my whining and misery.... thank you to the girls in Lakeside who nearly sold me a bright red Betty Boop number, but didn't quite.... Yes. Its over. I will post photos another time...