Sunday 1 August 2010

All you need is love .... and a steady nerve, to make someone's day.

I have recently rejoined Twitter and am experiencing my usual flush of enthusiastic addiction.I love the instant replies to one's thoughts and the general hubbub of Tweeting through the ether.One of the people I have started to follow is Clare Balding, an excellent sports commentator. She Tweeted today that she had been in the pub and happened to see a famous British actress.She was tempted to go over and tell this woman that she considered her a brilliant actress, but, being very British... she didn't.

It made me think about our attitude to approaching strangers, be they famous or not.It reminded me of a story my Dad used to tell.He was, one evening, in a local pub having a quiet drink.As he sat at the bar a certain well known tv sports commentator came in and sat down with a beer.My Dad turned to him and said that if anyone else had sat down there he would have started a conversation with them. It was the kind of chap my Dad was.And he added that he didn't want to 'not' have a conversation just because this fellow was famous.They ended up having a nice chat about life and the universe and then going their separate ways...

I thought it was brave of him to be so honest and so friendly.Often we are afraid of the consequences of friendliness.Will the person ( be they famous or not) think we are odd? Will they wonder at our motives for approaching them?Often we choose to ignore our initial impulses and so avoid embarrassment.

I Tweeted Clare Balding to say that probably the actress was dying to tell her she loved her work too. I bet she was.We end up missing out on chances to make someone's day ...or at least spread a little bit of happiness, all because we are frightened of looking silly, or appearing desperate.Perhaps we are scared of saying the 'wrong thing'.

A good friend of mine lost his wife in a dreadful car crash. She died in his arms at the roadside. When he eventually went back to work my husband was one of the few people who actually spoke to him.People were too frightened to approach him, to raise the subject, to talk to him normally. Frightened that perhaps they would upset him, or that he would spontaneously collapse in tears... which sometimes he did.He told my Man that the staff room would clear each time he walked in. How awful.

That taught me a lesson.Its better to say something - even if its that you don't know what to say.Its better to take a risk and say something nice even if the person does think you're a loony.I don't care if someone is famous or not. We all need people to be kind to us and a warm look, an encouraging word can go a long way. What was it the Beatles said? .... All you need is love.....

7 comments:

theothermousie said...

I couldn't agree more too! Thank you for writing this brilliant piece. When I went back to my kids school for the first time since my car accident, most people stayed away, but were looking at me & talking about me! I wanted to scream HUG ME! I wish I had now! x

BALLET NEWS said...

too true ! If only everyone thought the same...

Louba said...

So true! I'm terrible for letting the moment pass because I can't think of the right thing to say and fear of looking stupid. It's easy to forget that the other person might be desperate for anyone to speak to them like a normal living breathing person.

Lo said...

Brilliant post!
Thank heaven I got over wondering "what will they think?" some years ago.......nowadays I just smile and say something profound like, "I love your work" or even, "I love your shoes". Everyone seems to like it that I do. Why should we not say what is in our hearts?

Gail said...

...and then there are those, like me, who do not know when to hush!

A beautiful well-written post.

stephie @ narrative self said...

Call me a weirdo, but I love to compliment complete strangers (if I genuinely believe they're worthy of a compliment in someway!!!). It could be telling a shop assistant that I really appreciate what they're doing, or that I think someone in the queue at Sainsbury's hair looks great. I decided that if I think something nice about someone I should tell them, rather than just keep it to myself. You never know it might just make their day, and it usually makes mine! Sanctimonious? Nah, just spread a little happiness :)

Inkling said...

I'm beginning to learn that famous people can be very lonely people, and that it's important for them to be treated like normal, run-of-the-mill people. When a certain person approached my husband to see about a father-son course he offers, I was all impressed and starry-eyed about who the guy was in terms of his job. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he probably gets that every day and probably wants to just be treated like a normal person. In this case, a normal dad who wants to take his son out. I like the story about your own dad and how he interacted with that commentator. I bet it made the commentator's day to have a normal conversation that wasn't filled with compliments or talk about his fame. Sounds like I could have learned a thing or two from your dad.