Monday, 4 April 2011

Feeling fat, fat, fat...

I have just come home from town where I was getting passport photos done for my youngest son. I had to wait 10 minutes for the photos to be sorted so I went for a wander to try on clothes and generally waste a bit of time.I tried on a t-shirt and unfortunately, during the process, got a full on view of my disgustingly fat tummy.

How did that happen?? One minute I was in my mid 20's, slim, fit, tanned and trim. The next moment I am in a clothes shop with my belly spilling over the top of my jeans, fighting a double chin and the inability to say no to any form of food which contains more than 4g of fat.

I know the right thing to do.... do not diet, live healthily, eat fresh fruit and veg, eat low fat, be active... The sad thing is that at the moment all I want to do is settle down with a big buttery cheese sandwich, chips on the side and a mug of tea. I have no will power and an inner greed which disgusts me.

Don't get me wrong... I am not huge. I am a size 12 UK styleeee, but I am overweight. I think that if I lived by myself I would be thin, but being a mum involves cooking meals even when you don't feel like eating. And if I cook it the chances are that my weak willed mouth will find its way around it.

Quite revolting. I have an unrealistic view of my body. When I was 11 I was weighed at school and my weight was broadcast to one and all. I was 8 stone ( 112 pounds ). My dad told me that my weight was fine and if I was 8 stone when I was 20 I would be very happy. However, being 11 I didn't realise he was right and spent years dieting.

I look back of photos of me when I know I felt fat and there I am - all slim and young and attractive with no idea of my true look. The thing is - I know that I am fit and healthy, but that feeling of being fat lurks in my head and at the moment, unfortunately my tummy does not lie. I really am a bit porky.

I need to get exercising and stop eating so much. However, as I type this I find myself thinking about getting a brie sandwich. For goodness sake, woman!!

12 comments:

Eve said...

Hahaha! I feel your pain, lol! It sucks to feel fat..you're right though, the important thing is to be fit and healthy...if your numbers are all good,blood pressure, cholesteral and all that, then you've got nothing to worry about except esthetics..which we women know is the most important thing of all, lol! I have to go now..I need to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and then do a bunch of sit ups! lol..peace

Jane said...

That's exactly what I do! I look at old photos and think I should have felt a lot better about myself! So I guess we now have to think that in 10 years time we'll look back at ourselves now and say 'we looked great!' So lets have another wine and carry on!

Urban Cynic said...

Ha - just as I thought. You feel exactly the same way as I do but you use the excuse of having a family! I was chubby when I was single (couldn't be arsed to cook & nobody comments if you eat a pack of biscuits in bed) & I'm still chubby now. I'm a bit fat because I love chocolate, cake and every sweet thing known to man and I imagine you're the same.

Doesn't make me feel any better though...

Razmataz said...

I am reading this and just polished off a piece of cake, right after I jiggled my belly and told myself off. I have no will power. I must make an attempt to get fitter.

Sarah said...

I am so glad to hear you feel the same!! I have to say that I am more a savoury freak than sweet things, Urban,old girl,but I can't promise I would turn down a chocolate fudge cake!! I am totally with you Jane & Eve - I just wish you hadn't mentioned the grilled sandwich... drool....

Lo said...

It is pathetic.....no, criminal.... what the gurus (?) and the media have done to our enjoyment of food.
True, obesity and compulsive eating are not good, but Food is a gift from God
and should be enjoyed and savored without guilt.

Skinny, nay skeletal is the mandate, the Law and we are worse than murderers and/or sex offenders of the worst kind if we have even a pound of that disgusting stuff called "fat" on our bones.

How have we allowed ourselves to be sold this outrageous bill of goods?

Be afraid, be very afraid.....next you will be told that orgasms are unhealthy and will make you fat.

sarah at secret housewife said...

Lo - I LOVE your anger. You are absolutely right!!! Sarah x

Pauline said...

Ahh, that could have been me writing over the years. But now I look at the photos of when I wasn't happy with myself and realize I was OK, from time to time more than just OK. Now I look at myself at 56 and realize I looked pretty good for my age and when I'm 77 I'll no doubt think I look good now. But, I do admit, it's taken a long time to come to this realisation! :)

Eve said...

You know what? I think we all look great! Lo, you're right about the media...according to them the worst thing a woman can do is get a wrinkle or gain a pound, and they've convinced a lot of us that this is true...they're evil! lol!

Caz said...

God, I so know the feeling. I wake up every morning telling myself that today I'm going to start eating properly - it's easy, I tell myself, just eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and NO SNACKING!!! Unfortunately, by the time 10.30 comes around, if I've been indoors working on an essay, I get the munchies. It's even worse by 3.30 when the kids come home, I find myself eating unconsciously!! Then when I've taken doggy for a walk for an hour, I justify my next snack for the fact that I've just done some exercise. Round and round it goes!! By the way, don't you think they should change the wattage in those bulbs in the change rooms?? Dim lighting would be so much sexier!

Mountain Witch said...

You hit the nail right on the head. It's not dieting, it's making healthy choices with food and physical movement. That word diet sabotaged me for years, just something about it feels like failure before you even begin.. And just for the record, you're not fat! Eat that samich!

Nicki said...

I am with you! I am 133.4 pounds. How many stones is that? 9.5? I think I will get a scale that weighs me in stones. That would definitely be a much smaller number and then I could eat the all the cheetoes I want! I mean I weigh less than 10! Here in the US, I'd be on a feeding tube for sure!