Friday, 29 June 2012

And the next appointment is ...

I am not sure if I should write this post, and I may well delete it in the near future, but right now I need to write. Over the last few months, since September really, things have been quite difficult both at work and later at home. I don't want to go into details particularly, but the upshot is that I am finding things quite difficult.



At BritMums last week I was tearful and lacking in confidence. It was only when Jan from In Search of ... commented on my blog and said she hoped I had been to my GP for help that I started to think. You may know that I suffered from PND with both my boys and my feelings now are nothing like that. To be honest I feel that my emotions and feelings are normal reactions to the things that have been happening. You get to a stage sometimes when life is just very hard to cope with.

Despite that fact I have started to think that I should talk to someone. I don't know what they will be able to do, but I can't lose anything by talking. Its not that I feel desperate or that I am back in that dark place I visited when the boys were born. But I am totally lacking in any get up and go. It has definitely got up and gone. I cry at the slightest thing, have stopped wearing make up, my house is a mess, my work stuff is disorganised. I find myself staring into space, lost in my thoughts.

At work I try to be my normal chirpy self, but that is beginning to go. At home I just want to do nothing. I look about at all the things that need doing and feel overwhelmed. I can't let myself slip into the darkness because my family needs me right now. I must nip this in the bud. I thought that I could make it to the summer holidays, but I don't know if I can.

And do you know the funny thing? I just called to make an appointment with my GP ... first available appointment .... two weeks. I must make a mental note to plan my breakdowns in future so I can get to see someone helpful before I actually fall off the brink ...

10 comments:

Razmataz said...

Oh sweetie...sending a big hug to you. Life can be very difficult at times, even though first appearance is there is nothing to groan about. Your stressors are affecting your health. Call your doctor and tell the secretary that you can't wait for two weeks and need an urgent appointment (I used to work for a doctor so I know they have to book you one). In the meantime go out and buy some St. Johns Wort to boost your mood.

You are not a lone in either feeling this way or dealing with it.

Suzanne said...

It sounds to me as though going to see your doctor would be very much the right thing to do and especially before the madness of the summer holidays comes around. There is not shame in admitting that you're struggling and I heard recently than 1 in 3 people are struggling with depression of some kind. I really think it's terrible that they cannot give you an appointment before then, did you mention what it was for? My receptionist always asks first. Well done for recognising that you are in need of help and doing something about it. Don't lose heart :)

studentat60 said...

I agree with Razmataz that you really need to see your GP sooner than that. If you feel up to it, insist on an earlier appointment. Otherwise, find someone who will do it for you. Or talk to you about how you are feeling. When you see your GP, do not be afraid of the tablets. I took them for a while and they alter your mood so quickly. You find yourself laughing and then cannot remember when you last did that. Keep blogging and let us know how you are. People read your words and enjoy them and want you to be well.

sarah at secret housewife said...

Razmatazz ( Chania), Suzanne and Studentat 60 - Thank you for your comments.I am going to phone and try to get a cancellation if possible.I have very supportive family and friends as well as some really lovely blogger friends too so I don't feel alone in this. I just am beginning to recognise the signs of something bigger.
It is disgusting that you have to wait so long to see someone isn't it? And the receptionists behave like medically trained rotweillers sometimes.I'll be ok. Just keep plodding along.
I really do appreciate that you took the time to comment. It helps me.

JanMary @ www.janmary.com said...

I'm with the others - try to (insist if you can! but I know I would have found this hard if I was feeling low)

As a fellow sufferer of PND, I know how scared I was when I began feeling some of the familiar signs again. I never went as low, flat, or back to that dark place again, but knowing that it was a distinct possibility was scary.

Hugs from N Ireland.

FarmWife said...

You sound very much like me 2 years ago (or so). I finally gave in and made an appointment with a doctor and was given one for a full month later. It was a tough month, but in the end I think she helped- if just enough for me to get my self pulled back together.

Praying you get the help and answers you need. It's no fun to not feel like yourself.

sarah at secret housewife said...

Thanks JanMary and Farm wife.I am trying to keep busy. If I feel myself slipping I get up and do something, go somewhere.Its hard sometimes when I don't have any energy, but am determined to fight it as best I can.Sarah xxx

amanda claire said...

Sending you a big hug!

Depression covers quite a spectrum, so even though it isn't as bad as your PND, it doesn't mean you don't need some help.

I was depressed in 2009, but nowhere nearly as bad as my husband has been since the trauma of my pregnancy last year. And I've had some real "wobbles" and am sure that had I not asked for help and support pretty much as soon as I gave birth and started CBT shortly afterwards I would have struggled far more.

Sometimes, just having someone to talk to makes all the difference xx

Lynsey S said...

You are so doing the right thing by taking the step to go and see your GP (I too have the same wait time problem - when I had cystitis (worse than the over the counter remedy kind) they told me I could have an appointment in 10 days). And you should definately not delete this blog, it is such a help to others when bloggers are brave enough to write from the heart like this. Believe me, this post will say to more than one person 'I am not alone in feeling like this'. xxxx

Gail said...

Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry. Momma always said, It will all come out in the wash.

Hang in there.