Feeling muffled and rather tired... I blame the weather.

I am tired tonight.Its 11 o'clock and I have felt tired for most of the day. Why? I don't know... I feel a kind of dis-satisfaction that can't be cured by eating or cleaning the bathroom floor. I know this because I have done both of those things.

This may be an entirely English answer, but I think it may be something to do with the weather.We have been so lucky over the last couple of weeks ... gorgeous, hot, sunny weather that would grace the South of France and not look out of place. I have grown used to sitting in my garden reading, smelling of Piz Buin and gazing down at my rather brown shoulders.

The whole shoulder thing, now I put it in print, does sound a little odd, I have to admit. Still, as I was saying, we have had the lovely weather... but now it is over. We are back to the usual grey dullness of the English summer we are used to....


And I am feeling... muffled. Like a person swimming underwater... I can just about make out the shouts of people on the surface, but I haven't got the energy to join them.My bathroom floor ( black rubber... another oddity in print, but jolly nice in reality )... is clean... and I have eaten quite a lot of olives tonight. I am hoping that tomorrow will dawn warm and blue skied so that I can once again feel revived and join in with life as we know it...

A210 tutorial... am I just stupid?

I went to a poetry tutorial today - on Don Juan and the women poets, Charlotte Bury, Laetitia Elizabeth Landon and Charlotte Dacre. They and their poems are part of my Open University course - more importantly, part of my next assignment.I enjoyed my last essay, but have not yet had it back and the passing time is creating doubt in my mind. Did I answer the question correctly? Did I understand the poems? Did I, in fact, make a complete plonker of myself?!

So, today was my tutorial and I went feeling a tad lacking in confidence, as is my wont. I left feeling even more unconfident, if there is such a word. I don't know why really.The other students are very nice, with varying levels of ability it would seem. My tutor is lovely too. But I just came away feeling like a dork.

I think I just read too much into what people say, how they look at me, blah, blah, blah. At this point do please feel free to throw an imaginary shoe at me and tell me to shut up.I know... I am 45 and 3/4 and still acting like a teenager.Miss, miss.. she looked at me funny...

I walked to my car and put on Beyonce so loud that my ears started to bleed.... well, you know that is a lie, don't you? But it was pretty loud. Loud enough for for people passing my car to consider me a chav. If my son had been with me he would have turned it down and looked at me with embarrassment. Still... he wasn't and she made me feel better. I sang my heart out to her and by the time I reached home I didn't care if people did think I was a dork, or a chav, or useless at poetry.

I will let you know when I get my results. You never know... I might be a poetry genius!!