I had my sister on the phone to me today in floods of tears.She had phoned my Mum for a chat and ended up having to put the phone down before she said something she regretted. My Mum is not the person to call in a crisis. She says things that can make you feel like a bug on the floor.... its not what she says but her tone of voice. She is damning and unsympathetic.
stormy times call for stormy pics..... not mine I'm afraid.
My sister is going through harsh times... business went under, husband made redundant, massive mortgage. She has kept much to herself, but from our conversation today I begin to realise how awful things are. I did all I could to try and make her feel better, at least in the short term and I am trying to seek advice on how they should proceed. The thing is, they are very proud and don't want to admit that they need help.
I just wish that my Mum could realise that what my sister needs is a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, a soothing voice... not strident criticism and being made to feel like dirt. I know my sister is not perfect... she knows she's not perfect... but there are times when you need to stop flinging blame and just be there.
I know that my Mum has helped them financially and practically with child care and so on, but she does it in a way that ensures you always feel in her debt. It is always brought up.
I feel trapped in the middle, trying to help both of them, but mostly my sister. I want them to have a good relationship and I want my Mum to treat my sister with love and caring, not condemnation. I tried to speak to her about it today and tried to stress that my sister needs her now more than ever, but she just can't understand. She thinks we are a Walton like family... all happy and jolly and we all adore her as the matriarchal figure. Well, I'm afraid she is sadly mistaken. Our family is like a soap... riddled with hidden secrets and unspoken words.
When it comes down to it all I can do is my best to support my sister and not fall out too far with my Mum, but its a hard job.
And in the meantime my husband's job is far from safe. All the managers have been called for a meeting this week and he has no days off next week. We are amongst many people all round the world with these fears and, compared to my sister's situation, we are fine, but it still lingers in my mind in the wee small hours...