Saturday, 11 July 2009

Family worries and the credit crunch...

I had my sister on the phone to me today in floods of tears.She had phoned my Mum for a chat and ended up having to put the phone down before she said something she regretted. My Mum is not the person to call in a crisis. She says things that can make you feel like a bug on the floor.... its not what she says but her tone of voice. She is damning and unsympathetic.
stormy times call for stormy pics..... not mine I'm afraid.

My sister is going through harsh times... business went under, husband made redundant, massive mortgage. She has kept much to herself, but from our conversation today I begin to realise how awful things are. I did all I could to try and make her feel better, at least in the short term and I am trying to seek advice on how they should proceed. The thing is, they are very proud and don't want to admit that they need help.


I just wish that my Mum could realise that what my sister needs is a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, a soothing voice... not strident criticism and being made to feel like dirt. I know my sister is not perfect... she knows she's not perfect... but there are times when you need to stop flinging blame and just be there.


I know that my Mum has helped them financially and practically with child care and so on, but she does it in a way that ensures you always feel in her debt. It is always brought up.


I feel trapped in the middle, trying to help both of them, but mostly my sister. I want them to have a good relationship and I want my Mum to treat my sister with love and caring, not condemnation. I tried to speak to her about it today and tried to stress that my sister needs her now more than ever, but she just can't understand. She thinks we are a Walton like family... all happy and jolly and we all adore her as the matriarchal figure. Well, I'm afraid she is sadly mistaken. Our family is like a soap... riddled with hidden secrets and unspoken words.


When it comes down to it all I can do is my best to support my sister and not fall out too far with my Mum, but its a hard job.


And in the meantime my husband's job is far from safe. All the managers have been called for a meeting this week and he has no days off next week. We are amongst many people all round the world with these fears and, compared to my sister's situation, we are fine, but it still lingers in my mind in the wee small hours...

7 comments:

Urban Cynic said...

I'm sorry to hear about your family troubles, it must be even harder to cope with your Mother's attitude when you're a parent yourself & know how damaging it can be.

It sounds like you're dealing with it in the best way possible, which is a good example for your boys - It's always frustrating when you'd like to help solve someone else's problems because you love them; but can't do so. Plus you have your own to worry about - just because other people around the World are in the same situation doesn't make it any less of a deal.

It's always good to get these things off your chest though - sometimes it's easier with strangers as you get unconditional support & advice without worrying about how they will then treat you.

Gail said...

Don't you wish sometimes you had a magic wand?

It would be so wonderful to make the world right again.

Kelly Hudgins said...

I'm sending supportive thoughts across the pond.

Kerrie said...

Ah I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Give her a hug, one size fits all.
Families are funny aren't they. I miss mine because I hardly ever see them but then when I see my mum she will say something like " oh that outfits very.......bright"
Mums who'd have them. I would try and tell yours in the nicest way possible to be more supportive.
The credit crunch sucks.

Eternally Distracted said...

I think it is a 'mum thing', constantly over-critical and blameless themselves. I hope things improve ... Glad I found your blog.

Kork said...

YUCK! Sending lots of hugs your way as you struggle through this.

Praying things will pop into your head easily for advice, and that your heart will stay tender, but your skin tough as deal with both sides...

jeek said...

Your Mum sounds so much like my wife when she's speaking to my two sons on the phone, what they need sometimes is a helpful chat not an earful of sarcasm