So, today was the first day at Secondary school for my son #1.He came into the bathroom at 7.15 this morning, all dressed and ready in his uniform. I asked him how he felt, expecting him to say "Scared" or "Excited" and in fact he said..." I feel so grown up". I felt so proud of him at that moment and struck by the realisation that yes, he is grown up...or at least well on his way.
His friends called for him and off they went together. We had previously taken our usual first day photos. Both boys pose for these happily and both couldn't wait to get to school. I just love the fact that both are keen to learn and eager to do well.When I see some children who hate school and have no enjoyment in it my heart sinks. I am so lucky that my boys are happy and well adjusted.
God... I am starting to sound like the bloody Sound of Music here aren't I? Oh, my kids are so wonderful and we all sing in a barbershop quartet whilst baking cookies and performing open heart surgery... You will know, if you have been here before and read further than the first couple of lines of my drivel, that we are far from that. My first post ever was written on New Year's Eve in 2006, in a haze of misery and rage - alone again with the kids-when every other human ( it seemed to me) was out drinking, partying and having a generally banging time.
We have come a long way from that night. I am probably in a honeymoon period, just before ( as Urban Cynic so beautifully commented! ) they end up smoking crack behind the bike sheds. But hey, if we are having a rose tinted, honeymoon moment then I am going to bathe in the sweet nectar of ignorant bliss. Right now life is good and I am going to savour it - even if I do sound like Julie Andrews.
Times like today, when I see them both so happy and confident make it all worth while...all the self doubt and misery! I think to myself that maybe, just maybe, I might end up with wonderful young men with families of their own. Men who are good and kind like their dad. I think I spend most of my time afraid that they are going to die in some dreadful way, or end up on drugs or.... well, or just something awful that my imagination drags up.
Is it really possible that we could go through all this and succeed?Even daring to think of it scares me...Am I putting a bok on it all by writing about my hopes? Don't be silly.What will be will be and all I can do is love them and try to guide them the best I can. They drive me nuts and make me angrier than any human has ever managed to do... but I would die for them and watching them this morning made my heart swell with pride.
There... I'd better stop. I really am turning into Julie Andrews...