Monday, 28 September 2009

Warning.... whingeing, fat Englishwoman on the loose.

Ok... just to give you fair warning.... this blog may contain elements of self pity, whinging and general pathetic shallowness.

I am prone, as those of you who have read my blog for a while will know, to moments of absolute shallowness.Its just as well I have a blog because if I allowed myself to whinge in real life on the scale that I whinge on here.... well, I would probably have been dragged away by someone in a white coat by now.

Today my theme is me.Now, that's a surprise...not.I am becoming more conscious with every day that passes, of my increasing gut and wobbly chins.Now, I know, I am not enormous... I do not as of this evening need a crane or the fire department to get me out of bed... but the way I'm going I could be on that road.

I have no excuse of overactive glands or heavy bones.I have no psychological condition that predisposes me to put on weight.The reason I am turning into a porker is the fact that I eat too much. There... I have admitted it.My name is Secret Housewife and I eat like a bloody pig.I like cooking. I like eating. And I especially like to eat the wrong things. By that I don't mean processed rubbish... believe me.... all the crap I eat is Free Range Organic, grown by hippies in kaftans chanting ommmmmmmmmm.

I just eat toooooooo much!! And at the moment I am not exercising enough. I have gone from running 4 times a week, building my miles up for the London Marathon..... to zilch, nada,niente.... nowt.One of the little girls at school today asked me if I had a baby in my tummy.... "No" I said.... "I am just fat"

I know what I have to do to stop this.Its easy. I have to eat less, get out and exercise and all will be well.But, for Goodness sake.... I can't be bothered. I want to be slim and fit and trim and gorgeous..... but I want to eat truckfuls of lasagne and sit watching Strictly Come Dancing on my ever increasing backside.I don't want to have to work at being slim and fit.I want to be healthy.... but not eat healthy.

So... what am I going to do about it? All around me people have hideous problems that make my fatness pale into insignificance... but it is beginning to bother me.It just seems such a long road to travel... to get to what I want to be.If only I could be happy being a blubber mountain...but that's where the shallowness really kicks in.I want to be gorgeous and a size 10. I want people to think I look lovely. And don't give me all that nonsense about how its the inside of a person that is beautiful... sod that.Let me be mean and ugly on the inside.... just let my outside bits be beautiful.

I suppose there is only one thing for it... this is where I start paying.... in sweat.... but maybe I'll wait until the morning.


Kork said...

Good luck! I'm wishing you the best and lots and lots of motivation to get this going!!!! It is the toughest decision, to get up and do SOMETHING...and I'm with you...can't we just be trim, lean, well-defined muscles, and gorgeous WITHOUT all the work, and without giving up the goodies we love to eat? SIGH...

Gail said...

Even all the dolls we see on tv work their butts off but they are paid to be that size, which, sometimes is alarmingly skinny.

Did any of the famous artists paint bean poles, no, they painted beautifully full figured women with curves.

If you are not happy with your size, then change it! Sorry, I am gonna get rough here. Just some simple things USED to make a difference for me. Like a sandwich with one slice of bread, allowing my self one sugar drink a day, using a smaller plate, just eating one cookie as a reward for eating good. It is amazing how good just one cookie. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator, running to the laundry room, dancing while you vacuum, all these add up and none of them are overwhelming seperately.

Am I talking to the same woman that ran a marathon?? The woman that is going back to school after all these years??

If you really want to do this, DO IT. You can do anything you set your mind to do. You are invincible. You are woman!!!!


Roberta Fleck said...

Sex, Sarah - and *lots* of it....

(It's the only cure!)



lisa cole said...

good luck, i'm feeling your pain ... and am about to be strangled by my developing double chin ...

as for what to do about it, i'd like to sign up for roberta fleck's plan please :) ...

Artfulmama said...

OH DEAR SARAH!!! I can TOTALLY RELATE.. I guess misery does love company... !!! I too am in the "Who is that???" when I gaze into the mirror these days... I JUST SIMPLY HATE IT!!! Soooo, I can totally sympathize with you. Although I am a bit older.. I danced quite a bit as a early teen into my early 20's then I earned a 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do practicing no more than three days a week and was in the total best shape of my life.. at 36... then after ballooning up being pregnant with my daughter... and my knees totally wearing out from all the martial arts.. I started doing a enormous amount of walking.. and then slowly that didn't seem to affect anything,(I probably weigh the same now as I did on my day of delivery). other than my daily schedule.. then this summer after buying a new pair of NIKES.. for my walking.. I developed heel spurs in both feet.. I can barely get out of bed without wearing my FITFLOPS for total support... sooooo I decided to start swimming.. since we have a pool... and now having blonde hair.. it has turned GREEN!!@ AHHHHH.!!!! totally and completely frustrated.. I don't know what else to do.. !!! I know if I put my mind to things.. and do more of my yoga.. it should really make a difference and give me more variety.. Anyway... I know we can do it.. just have to get past .. the frustration and rut.. PUSH YOURSELF.. as they say... ! I KNOW, I KNOW.. but it would be so much more wonderful working on my artwork!!! (Love your watercolors.. by the way) SO LETS JUST DO IT!!! as someone once said.. WE CAN DO IT.. we just have to focus!!! and I'm sure .. YOU'RE NOT FAT!!! Good Luck - Thinking of you!! .. JUST FOCUS!!

Anonymous said...

I'm with Roberta Fleck! SEX and LOTS OF IT!!! LOL!
Weight loss is strictly a numbers game, the reverse of our checkbooks.. Gotta' give more to get less.. Lol!
Good luck! I'm with ya'!

Inkling said...

You made me giggle with the description of what you eat. I'm with you too on the tummy thing. Even when I do exercise and even when I was a tiny little stick of a girl, I always had a puffy tummy. Oh well.

I'm not here to give any advice or anything other than a big hug and a note that I'll be happily cheering you on with however you decide to pursue health.

On a related note, i read that folks with post trauma issues often crave junk food on an extreme level. No wonder I could drive through three junk food places consecutively and stuff my face with terrible things! I need better discipline, especially before my son figures out that mama is eating frozen cookie dough by the handful for breakfast.

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The Daily Connoisseur said...

I would first like to say that you have a lovely blog :) And secondly as far as losing weight and getting healthy goes... you can do it! The wonderful thing about having a blog is that you are surrounded by lots of support.

I eat what's considered (especially in Southern California) really fattening foods (chocolate, croissants, potato gratin, mmmmm...) but I don't have a problem with my weight because I am constantly moving (walking everywhere, stairs instead of elevator etc.), do yoga three times a week and I do not snack in between meals. You can do it too! Best of luck xo

Karen said...

Can I just say that your blog could have been written by me?! Truly! While I type this out I have a bag of imported American candy corn at my side, have not done any work outs in like 2 mos and am feeling so lethargic - probably due to a sugar induced coma! About the only thing I look forward to is a weekend trip to Brussels over half term with my 11 yr old - and even then, you know it's going to consist of chips with mayo, chocolates & waffles!
Hang in there - there are several of us who have the same traits as what you describe.
Karen x