Warning.... whingeing, fat Englishwoman on the loose.

Ok... just to give you fair warning.... this blog may contain elements of self pity, whinging and general pathetic shallowness.

I am prone, as those of you who have read my blog for a while will know, to moments of absolute shallowness.Its just as well I have a blog because if I allowed myself to whinge in real life on the scale that I whinge on here.... well, I would probably have been dragged away by someone in a white coat by now.


Today my theme is me.Now, that's a surprise...not.I am becoming more conscious with every day that passes, of my increasing gut and wobbly chins.Now, I know, I am not enormous... I do not as of this evening need a crane or the fire department to get me out of bed... but the way I'm going I could be on that road.


I have no excuse of overactive glands or heavy bones.I have no psychological condition that predisposes me to put on weight.The reason I am turning into a porker is the fact that I eat too much. There... I have admitted it.My name is Secret Housewife and I eat like a bloody pig.I like cooking. I like eating. And I especially like to eat the wrong things. By that I don't mean processed rubbish... believe me.... all the crap I eat is Free Range Organic, grown by hippies in kaftans chanting ommmmmmmmmm.


I just eat toooooooo much!! And at the moment I am not exercising enough. I have gone from running 4 times a week, building my miles up for the London Marathon..... to zilch, nada,niente.... nowt.One of the little girls at school today asked me if I had a baby in my tummy.... "No" I said.... "I am just fat"

I know what I have to do to stop this.Its easy. I have to eat less, get out and exercise and all will be well.But, for Goodness sake.... I can't be bothered. I want to be slim and fit and trim and gorgeous..... but I want to eat truckfuls of lasagne and sit watching Strictly Come Dancing on my ever increasing backside.I don't want to have to work at being slim and fit.I want to be healthy.... but not eat healthy.


So... what am I going to do about it? All around me people have hideous problems that make my fatness pale into insignificance... but it is beginning to bother me.It just seems such a long road to travel... to get to what I want to be.If only I could be happy being a blubber mountain...but that's where the shallowness really kicks in.I want to be gorgeous and a size 10. I want people to think I look lovely. And don't give me all that nonsense about how its the inside of a person that is beautiful... sod that.Let me be mean and ugly on the inside.... just let my outside bits be beautiful.


I suppose there is only one thing for it... this is where I start paying.... in sweat.... but maybe I'll wait until the morning.

What happened to the easy life??

a lazy day of Summer...

You may have noticed that my blog has lain unattended for far longer than is the norm.If you didn't notice... well, bear with me and be kind. Pretend you missed me like mad... The reason for my absence is a combination of events.It seems that the long lazy days of Summer are a thing of the past... a distant dream that I hold in my mind with fondness.




Having spent the Summer painting, drawing,reading....Oh, Gosh, how I miss it.... I find myself back in the throes of term time family life.Up at 7am, working,organising meals, organising children and their homework/sport/music,organising shopping for food... The list of stuff goes on and I am beginning to feel like the CEO of a major company - only they would have a PA to do all this #### whilst they went for power lunches.


No power lunches in my life, folks.I'm lucky to grab a coleslaw and corned beef sandwich... and that's on a good day!!


Still, please don't think I'm moaning about it all. Well, actually I am moaning, but its a light hearted one. The thing is though... where has all the "me time" gone?? Right now its 8.15pm and the boys are watching England play football on tv.This is the first time I've sat down all day and I just don't know how I am going to fit in running, or painting,or studying....or blogging.


The only way its going to happen is if I get up even earlier.Its going to have to be 6am for my run and I may have to buy a truck load of WD40 so I can oil my family machine and get us all to the places we need to go on time. I suppose I could sit back and make my life easier by just catering to all of these men in my world, but I am sooooooooooo not going to give up the things I enjoy.


I want to do all the activities I love... and more. Perhaps I should buy rocket boosters or a space time continuum device?