Secret Housewife in Outdoor Girl Midlife Crisis...

Having satisfied the cerebral side of my nature I decided to attempt the more physical activities that the rest of my family enjoy.Another way of phrasing this could be that I set off on the trail of a Mid-Life Crisis...

My ever young and athletic husband had taken part in a company team building exercise at a Go Ape recently and he decided that our family could do with a bit of team building too. He booked us in.... my sister, my nephew, my 11 year old, me and, of course, Mr Adventure himself..my Man.We arrived on a sunny day at the woodland setting and embarked upon a half hour training session.

I have always rather hankered after the "outdoors, skiing, climbing, hiking" look. You know the type? Lean, tanned... afraid of nothing... sporting a belt full of shiny carabiners and a smile.... This was my chance to fulfill that dream. I could show my family that I was afraid of nothing... swinging from tree to tree in a harness and some very nice lip gloss.

It all started well.My outfit fitted nicely and my muffin belly was tucked beautifully inside the harness.The first mistake I made was the 'Pact of Death'. This involved swearing that none of us would resort to the Chicken Run Trail. We would all, come what may, go for the Black Runs.... the hardest path, the scariest route.I blame this, again. on my Man, closely followed in the blame stakes by my son and nephew. What is it about men?? Why can't they be happy with a cup of tea and a biscuit infront of the telly? No... they have to drag us all through hoops and hell in the quest for macho world domination.

Much of the afternoon is a blur of rope ladders, 40 ft high platforms and woodchip down my knickers.Every sinew in my body cried out to me that standing on a platform only 24 inches across was abnormal... wrong. Throwing myself from said platforms... out into the wide open expanse of woodland, into cargo nets huge distances away.... was wrong.As the afternoon went on... and on... and on.... I hoped for the thrill of adrenalin to kick in. I hoped that I would start to bathe in the joy of the outdoors...

Sadly, however, that thrill never came.I am proud to say that I did not chicken out. I climbed every ladder, crossed every tightrope, zipped every wire. I threw myself, with abandon ,off towers and platforms and never once did I hesitate.To the casual onlooker I was that 'Outdoor Girl'.... whooping and laughing in the face of fear and danger.But inside? Inside I wanted the damn thing to end.... I wanted to be on my sofa watching Strictly, with a bloody big glass of Merlot and a chocolate Digestive...

The following day I awoke as if from a nightmare.I had fallen into bed at 8pm and slept for 13 hours. My body felt broken and battered... as if I had been beaten with a large stick and muscles screamed from places that I didn't know had muscles.I am not the Commando Girl I had hoped to be..... but only you and I know that.... ssshhhhhh......