Tuesday, 29 December 2009

And that is wrong because.......

Well, again its been a long time.I hope that you all had a good Christmas? Ours was quiet and uneventful, but nice.We had a lovely get together on the afternoon of Christmas Eve and then spent Christmas Day with just the four of us.

I went over to my Mum's for her birthday drinks party and that proved eventful! It usually takes me about 45 minutes on a good day. There had been snow, so I checked the forecast which predicted light snow for both our areas. Not enough to stop me going so off I set at 3pm. The party started at 7pm so we had lots of time to get there and maybe go for a walk.Not so... In the end it took us 7 and a half hours to get there!! Heavy snow meant that we had to abandon the car eventually and walk for 2 and a half hours to get to my Mum's house.Still, we got there in the end and all was well.

My two brothers and their wives have been staying with my Mum over Christmas.She worships the very ground they tread on so I am quite sure that they have had a lovely time.My brothers and their wives all get on well together too so it all sounds lovely.Unfortunately they left today and my Mum phoned me this evening. She had obviously been drinking, but I was patient and listened to her as she complained about the fact that my sons had not given me the message that she had called earlier.Then she asked if I had told my sons something that I won't go into here.

I had told them. Its not a massive secret... its something lovely and I wanted them to know. They were also told that for now it had to remain between us as family. They understood and have not said a word.Unfortunately this was not ok with my Mum.Having had our conversation she phoned back about 30 minutes and a couple of scotches later.She could not believe that I had told them.Now, bear in mind that I had not been told not to say anything to them and I had asked them to keep it under their hats.She has a way of making me feel so angry.She treats me like an 8 year old that she is telling off. I felt my blood pressure rising and was so tempted to just tell her what I thought. But I did not.I listened to what she said, in silence, and then said ok and goodbye.I was not going to apologise as I had done nothing wrong, but I did not want to get involved in an argument. She is obviously upset that both boys have left today and has had too much to drink.

It makes me feel so crap that I drive through the snow for 7 and a half hours to get to her and she doesn't seem to appreciate my present ( my drawing which I mounted and framed for her ) She is always going on about how wonderful my brothers are and at the slightest thing she thinks I have done wrong she treats me like ... I wish you could hear the tone of her voice.The derision in it for me is palpable.

I am just glad that I didn't bite back.Why does she make me feel this way? My brother would probably say that I allow myself to feel this way, but you know what? She doesn't speak to my brothers the way she does to my sister and me. I try so hard to be a good daughter, but I just don't seem to have what she wants.


Suburban Princess said...

That sounds awful :O( Your mom should be nicer to you. I love your drawing! She is lucky to have a daughter who would give her such a thoughtful gift!

Urban Cynic said...

Hiya, good to have you back!

I think that women always get more of a raw deal than their male counterparts. My Mother is the same with my Brother - I was the one who has to assist with chores & help run the household from the age of 12, yet he didn't have to lift a finger.

I think it depends on the person & the family, but often Mothers project their own aspirations on their daughters; they place higher demands on them & expect more from them (I don't know why this is, I just know it happens)

You're doing the best thing by firmly standing your ground(never apologise, never explain as they say) my Mum used to treat me like a child until I made it clear that I wasn't any more. People often fall back into childhood patterns & pecking orders when they return home. I used to politely ask my Mum if she would like me to leave seeing as she didn't seem very pleased to see me!

You'll either have to put up with it or change it (probably forcibly) maybe write her a letter or have a heart-to-heart when you are alone explaining how she makes you feel.

Either that or move house & don't tell her! x

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your comments ladies!I do seem to moan a lot.... will try to change this year! And as for moving? I did that already!! Of all the children I am the only one who has sat down and had heart to hearts with my mum. I have talked about her drinking, her smoking, her way of talking to me... I have tried to be constructive. But in the end it is her life, her decision as to how she wants to lead it and that results in us just not seeing that much of her. She just won't see that she does anything wrong. Ah well...
Sarah x

Kork said...

I'm sorry that your Mum is that way...Some people are just like that, and all we can do is control our own actions and behavior. It stinks always taking the "high road", but I'm proud of you for not getting nasty right back at her.

I'm glad you had a good Christmas with your men, and hope your New Year will start out wonderfully, and bring you many blessings!