Monday, 30 May 2011

I just want to be ...

I seem to have lost my way. Well, by that obviously I don't mean that I am lost. I know where I am. I'm on my sofa. What I mean is that I have lost my blogging way... I seem to spend my time posting photos of vegetables and talking about inter cropping. Now that may be interesting to some people...in fact I find it interesting ... but is it really setting the world alight?

this is as exciting as my life gets ...


There is no frantic jostling over the airwaves as people fight to retweet my posts. I am not forced to shut down my comment boxes because they are liable to collapse under the strain of avid readers posting their reactions to my blog.Maybe that's not what its all about.

I have had moments in the past when I worry about my blogging. I can be a worrier.I am neither an amazingly interesting writer - filling my pages with flowing prose. Nor am I witty or acerbic. I am just me. I suppose my blogs appeal to other people like me... people who have no claim to fame, no amazing lifestyle. Its a bit like sitting on a bus and gazing through the windows of houses as you drive by - peering briefly into the lives of other ordinary people as they have their tea or do the ironing.

For a moment their quiet mundaneness is comforting. The knowledge that there are other people out there leading average lives, cooking, planting vegetables, complaining about their kids.... that knowledge reassures us that its ok to be average.

Most of the time I am fine with that, but today I am a little hormonal, a little lost. I am like the little girl I once was - full of dreams of success, of being popular. But, unlike that little girl, I am also aware that none of those things are going to happen. I am not going to shoot to spectacular success with my writing. I will continue to plod along, telling the ether of my everyday life - my study, my vegetables, occasionally my frustration with some world problem ...

Shall I tell you a secret though? I don't want to be average... I want to be successful and popular. I want people to think I'm brilliant and funny and interesting ... Don't worry ... I will be back to normal tomorrow ... I just need to get my head back together and accept my averageness ...  and maybe post a photo of my French beans?

6 comments:

Buttercup and Bee said...

Dear Sarah
dont beat yourself up about it, if you think how many blogs are floating round in blogland your not doing so bad if you have 126 followers.
Blogland (In my experience) can be a very clicky place I dont think its only about your content its like being back at school or a parent on the school playground there is some hidden code of who is in with the in crowd and who is not. did you start this journey just to join that club? I hope I dont offend you by saying I dont think you did, I think you started this to be real to blog about things that matter to you, that you have a passion for, to put down in print your highs and your lows, so that you can rejoice in your sucesses and see that you have overcome the challenges that at the time felt like they would swallow you up, for those of us out here on our own journeys you shine a light of encouragment and I for one commend you for it.

Lo said...

Sarah, my dear

I must say "amen" to Buttercup's remarks. But much more about how warming and delightful your blogs are......unlike some of the more "spectacular " bloggers you do not need to rant or drop a dirty word in every other phrase, nor maunder on endlessly about the cute thing your child just uttered. I would much rather read about your beans and the sweet man who helped you with your plot. You can charm us by whispering where others need to shout to be heard.

Lo said...

I forgot to mention the fact that I think you are exquisitely beautiful...(did you know that you are? It cheers me every time I enter your blog and see your sweet face.

If I had my druthers I would look exactly like you.....without the rabbit teeth of course.

sarah at secret housewife said...

Oh, Buttercup and Lo ... You are so lovely! I wasn't fishing for compliments(honest!!) but you have both been so kind!! Thank you for what you have said. I love the thought of 'charming by whispering' and 'shining a light of encouragement'.That is absolutely enough and I would rather be doing that than anything.Don't know about being beautiful, Lo!!! I had to go and have a look at my photo and have decided that I do make a lovely rabbit!! xx

Pauline said...

I, for one, enjoy your blog because you are just you, very real and true to yourself. Oh, and successful and popular aren't necessarily the same thing. Just thought I'd throw that in! :)

Urban Cynic said...

We're all pretty average though aren't we? I don't think my blog posts set the world alight but I enjoy writing them.

I personally like reading your posts; the gardening ones don't interest me as much as the others to be honest as I'm not much of a gardener - but I still like to see your progress and share your experiences with you. I like the ones where you want to kill your kids!