I am sitting here this morning writing instead of watching my 15 year old play football. Its the first time ever that I have not been there for him in 10 years of playing the sport.
I have two boys ... a 14 year old and a 15 year old, and they are good, normal boys. Both are nice lads who enjoy being at home. They don't go out partying yet, but I tend to think that they will do that when they are ready. They are intelligent and polite to strangers ... (strangers being the operative word here).
However ... I am finding it more and more difficult to be a good parent. I am lost as to how to cope with certain situations. I have always tried to be calm, but firm and although I sometimes lose my temper it is rare that I shout these days.
The real bane of my life is the boys' obsession with computers, the x box, their phones. I try to limit the time spent on these, but they always manage to slowly increase time spent. It seems to affect their behaviour in a negative way, but they don't seem to be able to see this.
My eldest son is in his GCSE year, but is not doing any work at home for them. He tells me not to worry as "I'm an A Grade student, Mum", but all he seems to do is sit and watch Minecraft videos on YouTube, or play the xbox. I look at him and remember the little golden boy he used to be and it breaks my heart. He has such potential and appears to be throwing it all away.
Last night at 10.30 I was watching tv and he came down and said he was going to watch Match of the Day now. No question... just a statement. I told him that I was watching tv and that he could watch Match of the Day in the morning as it was being taped. He just refused to accept this and turned it to Match of the Day. He then ranted on at me, saying that I obviously despised him and did nothing for him, that I clearly loved his brother more than him.
Having spent the day ferrying him around, letting him do what he wanted as far as electronics go and generally being pretty nice as far as I was concerned, this was news to me. I stayed calm and replied to his claims logically. But what can you do when a young man who is bigger and stronger than you wants to do something and refuses to back down?
In the past I have always been the boss, the Mum. Whether I have shouted or reasoned I have always been the one in charge and have got both boys to do as I want. Last night was the first time where I found myself at a loss. I could have gone mental and probably got my own way, but I didn't want to go that route. His attitude was so cold, so arrogant. He does nothing around the house, his room is a pit, he refuses to revise ...
I lay in bed crying, and told him in a letter that he needn't expect a lift to football in the morning. He could make his own way. As it was, my phone didn't charge and so the alarm didn't go off and I woke up at 9.30 am. He was supposed to be at the ground at 9.30 for a 10am kick off and typically (because he relies on me so much) he was still in bed.I got up and drove him up there with 10 minutes to spare before kick off. Usually he would have apologised after a falling out, but this morning he was just as horrible as he was last night.
I told him in my letter that he needed to think about his behaviour and apologise to me. He also needed to change the way he behaved as it was unacceptable. I have removed all electronic equipment.
Is this the right way to go? Over the summer holidays we got rid of most of the stuff and he changed into a really rather pleasant boy. I really think that playing horrible games must affect behaviour and I am determined not to let him have them back for a long time.
The thing is that I am afraid of losing him, and uncertain as to how to cope with his behaviour. I need to have him stick to the rules of our house and I want him to be respectful, kind, helpful. I am trying to be consistent, calm and reasonable.
Parenting is so hard. Every day you are faced with yet another decision to make, another challenging behaviour with which to cope. There is no rule book.
I would be interested and grateful for any opinions on this. What should I do? Am I doing the right thing? He will be back in a minute and I wonder how he will behave ...
I have two boys ... a 14 year old and a 15 year old, and they are good, normal boys. Both are nice lads who enjoy being at home. They don't go out partying yet, but I tend to think that they will do that when they are ready. They are intelligent and polite to strangers ... (strangers being the operative word here).
However ... I am finding it more and more difficult to be a good parent. I am lost as to how to cope with certain situations. I have always tried to be calm, but firm and although I sometimes lose my temper it is rare that I shout these days.
The real bane of my life is the boys' obsession with computers, the x box, their phones. I try to limit the time spent on these, but they always manage to slowly increase time spent. It seems to affect their behaviour in a negative way, but they don't seem to be able to see this.
My eldest son is in his GCSE year, but is not doing any work at home for them. He tells me not to worry as "I'm an A Grade student, Mum", but all he seems to do is sit and watch Minecraft videos on YouTube, or play the xbox. I look at him and remember the little golden boy he used to be and it breaks my heart. He has such potential and appears to be throwing it all away.
Last night at 10.30 I was watching tv and he came down and said he was going to watch Match of the Day now. No question... just a statement. I told him that I was watching tv and that he could watch Match of the Day in the morning as it was being taped. He just refused to accept this and turned it to Match of the Day. He then ranted on at me, saying that I obviously despised him and did nothing for him, that I clearly loved his brother more than him.
Having spent the day ferrying him around, letting him do what he wanted as far as electronics go and generally being pretty nice as far as I was concerned, this was news to me. I stayed calm and replied to his claims logically. But what can you do when a young man who is bigger and stronger than you wants to do something and refuses to back down?
In the past I have always been the boss, the Mum. Whether I have shouted or reasoned I have always been the one in charge and have got both boys to do as I want. Last night was the first time where I found myself at a loss. I could have gone mental and probably got my own way, but I didn't want to go that route. His attitude was so cold, so arrogant. He does nothing around the house, his room is a pit, he refuses to revise ...
I lay in bed crying, and told him in a letter that he needn't expect a lift to football in the morning. He could make his own way. As it was, my phone didn't charge and so the alarm didn't go off and I woke up at 9.30 am. He was supposed to be at the ground at 9.30 for a 10am kick off and typically (because he relies on me so much) he was still in bed.I got up and drove him up there with 10 minutes to spare before kick off. Usually he would have apologised after a falling out, but this morning he was just as horrible as he was last night.
I told him in my letter that he needed to think about his behaviour and apologise to me. He also needed to change the way he behaved as it was unacceptable. I have removed all electronic equipment.
Is this the right way to go? Over the summer holidays we got rid of most of the stuff and he changed into a really rather pleasant boy. I really think that playing horrible games must affect behaviour and I am determined not to let him have them back for a long time.
The thing is that I am afraid of losing him, and uncertain as to how to cope with his behaviour. I need to have him stick to the rules of our house and I want him to be respectful, kind, helpful. I am trying to be consistent, calm and reasonable.
Parenting is so hard. Every day you are faced with yet another decision to make, another challenging behaviour with which to cope. There is no rule book.
I would be interested and grateful for any opinions on this. What should I do? Am I doing the right thing? He will be back in a minute and I wonder how he will behave ...
