When dressing like a tart is ok. Apparently.

Before I moved to the country and became Secret Housewife I lived in London and worked in a Mayfair casino. I wasn't what you might imagine a croupier to be, sadly. I was a tad serious and took my job seriously too. That's not to say I didn't have fun, but I wanted, at the same time, to be respected as a professional. Each day I was dealing with very wealthy businessmen, making complicated calculations and negotiating with them so that the casino ran smoothly. The casino business is full of very bright women who work hard and run the businesses, multi-million pound businesses, very professionally.

I was incensed when my club director chose some of the female staff to dress up in Santa mini dresses to have their photos taken for the club Christmas photo. I remember making my views known and one of the women told me that I was just jealous that I hadn't been chosen. NO NO NO!! The reason I was cross was because they were allowing themselves be manipulated by the man running the place, to assume the image of .... tart. How could they be respected by the clientele if they were seen on the front of a Christmas card wearing a low cut dress that skimmed their bottom cheeks as they leaned seductively over a roulette table ?

And now, nearly 20 years later I find myself furious again. Of course I still know lots of people in the casino business and today, on my Facebook feed, up popped the photo below. I am apoplectic. It is possible to be an attractive woman without draping yourself over a dice table wearing only a bra, some shorts and a pair of stockings. What image do these women send to the outside world? Do you look at them and think " Ah, yes. Intelligent women, brimming with intellect, proud of their professionalism" ? Or do you think that they look like they're up for a  good time ... to put it nicely?

The thing that really gets to me is that they allow themselves to be used like this. Have we learnt nothing over the years? I am not saying that we all need to burn our bras, wear no make up and wear shapeless dungarees, but for God's sake!!! Clientele will not look at this photo and think that the casino in question is staffed by strong professional women. 

People, and I include women when I say this, tell me that I need to lighten up, but why should I? How many men do you see behaving in this way? Do you see Donald Trump or David Cameron behave like this? Is it "just a bit of fun" or is it hugely damaging to the image of women? What does it achieve?

I am sure that the 3 women above are just as professional and good at their jobs as croupiers as I was, but when you look at them do you really think that? Or do you think ... sex? Are they trying to get punters into their club by making them think that they can get a cheap thrill? Maybe a quick feel? Because that's what it looks like.

I am so frustrated by this. I am frustrated that nothing has changed. I am frustrated that this is seen as fun and acceptable by people in the industry still. I am frustrated that women think they have to do this to be successful. I am angry that anyone would ask a woman to dress like this and that the women would feel that they should or that it was in anyway ok. A casino is a place to gamble. It is not a whorehouse, but that is what this photo implies.

Update

I have discovered that the women in the photo above are not croupiers but dancers who work in the casino.  The casino PR department is still using the image to pull men into the premises and, to be honest, I think my point still stands.

Same sex marriage ... hurrah!!!

Tonight, at midnight, same sex marriage will be legal in England and Wales. All over the country couples will be tying the marital knot, joined by their loved ones in a celebration of love and equality. On the news this morning I saw a couple who were to be married just after midnight at Brighton pavilion. They looked excited and yet quite serious in their realisation that their marriage would be not only a union of two people who loved each other, but also a step forward into a more enlightened society.

When I married my husband, 22 years ago, we married because we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our days together. I remember looking around the wedding reception at the smiling faces of our friends and family and I remember being filled with joy that every person in that room loved us... every person in that room was happy that we had found each other.

There will be no difference tonight when same sex couples marry. Whether they be two men or two women they will look out at a sea of smiling faces and they will know that they are loved.

The only thing that is shocking about same sex marriage is that it has taken so long to be made legal.

For me the fundamental point of marriage is that two people who love each other make a commitment to each other and are bound together in law. It doesn't matter who they are, what their jobs are, what colour their skin is, what religion they follow. What matters is that they are two human beings who are in a loving and committed relationship. 

I simply don't understand why anyone should consider it ok to deny that basic human right to their fellow Man, or Woman. 

photo courtesy of www.gayweddingfodder.com

photo courtesy of www.thewildreed.blogspot.com

As a spokesman from Stonewall said: "Same-sex couples are living in committed, loving relationships and people have realised that the sky has not fallen in," 

And the sky will not fall in. The best thing that can happen is for same sex marriage to be accepted as absolutely normal .... just one of the things you do as a couple. Some people get married, others don't. Some people have children, others don't. Your sexuality should not matter a jot. Your journey through life should surely be about the person you are, the acts of kindness, the difference you make in a positive way.

Maybe my view is a simplistic one, but I don't really care. Does life have to be complicated? Fundamentally the human spirit seeks to love and be loved. If two people want to show the world their love by marrying each other then they should have that right.

I am so happy that marriage is now open to everyone. It is a wonderful thing and I congratulate you if you are planning your wedding, whoever you are.