Saturday, 22 October 2011

Jaw clamped, shoulders tense ... prepare for a little bit of a rant.

At this very moment my jaw and teeth are aching. The reason for this is because I am so tense that my jaw is permanently clamped shut unless I make a conscious effort to stop it. I keep getting headaches because of both my jaw and my shoulders which are tight and nestled up around my ears most of the time.

And why do I feel this way? Well, I can't go into huge detail on here, but there is a person on the outskirts of my life right now who is making me feel totally stressed out. I am trying very hard to just not care. I am trying very hard not to moan at anyone and to make light of the situation if anyone asks me, but I think that the fact I am doing this is contributing to my tension.

I am a really friendly, chatty person and its like someone... well, this person, has dumped concrete over me. Unless I speak to them they make no attempt to speak to me. I offer to to help with things, they refuse my help. I am kept at arms length at all times and let me tell you - this person's arms are about a mile long.

At first I was upset at being ostracised. Now I am just angry. There is no escape right now. We have to be involved in each others lives for a while because that's the way life goes, but its hard to be treated this way. I have talked to this person in an attempt to improve life in a practical way, but when it comes down to personality clashes - what can you do?

I would imagine that I am not the only one to be affected by this person in this way and I know for a fact that a person I know very well was totally miserable because of the same person.

I know that you may advise me to walk away, have it out with them ... but those options are not possible. I know I am being cryptic here, but take it from me. The options above would just make my life worse right now. I am doing my best to spend as little time as possible with this person and to try to be calm and unaffected. It would appear, however, that my attempts are failing. The best way to describe being in this person's presence is to compare them with a dementor - sucking my joy from my soul ...

Dramatic, I know. In the great scheme of things this problem is not that important. My life away from the dementor is good, happy, wonderful. I just have to get on with it and leave my complaining to the ether of my blog. What a wonderful thing blogs are for venting our pent up and unsayable feelings!! So I shall continue to try and unclamp my jaw, try to relax my shoulders, try to keep my tongue still and not tell this person exactly what I think of them. Bullies come in all shapes and forms and some are perhaps so miserable themselves that they don't realise the affect they are having on others. I will not be beaten and I will not stop being a caring, happy person. So there.


Urban Cynic said...

I know you haven't gone into details about his person and why you have to interact with them, but is it really such a big deal that you don't like someone and they (probably) don't like you back?

We can't all be friends with everyone and you do sound like one of those lovely people (like BBF in fact) who want people to like them. I'm more of the opposite; some people I don't care for and some people don't care for me. And I personally couldn't care less but that's just how I roll & I know I'm unusual in that way.

It would be nice if we all got along, but one day we're all going to be pushing up daisies, and it sounds like more people would come to see you sent off than them!

I say count your blessings and balls to the other person because I can guarantee they're not getting as wound up over the situation as you are. There is a lovely saying: "It is my daily mood that makes the weather" and may you always ensure the sun shines on you Sarah.

sarah at secret housewife said...

Yep. I agree Urban Cynic that this person probably doesn't give me a second thought and I know that I shouldn't give them the time of day. Unfortunately they are affecting me and I have no control over it.I am having trouble sleeping and my teeth are really sore from being so tightly pressed together.Its a kind of subconscious reaction to this person.I can't get away from them - I see them every day nearly and they treat me and others around us like dirt.
My rational side doesn't give a toss about them and to the world I am my usual self. But sub-consciously they are really affecting me and that pisses me off. I can't control my sub-conscious much as I try.This blog is a place I can moan about stuff I won't moan to the people around me about.You are absolutely right, but I can't seem to stop my insides getting churned up by this bloody person!!! xx

Pauline said...

I've been around a while and it seems to me that from time to time there is always someone who rubs me up the wrong way. When I can't change a situation, I concentrate on changing how I see it and react to it. One way that works for me is refusing to give them the power to make me feel bad. I reclaim that power over how I feel. How I do it wouldn't work for everyone. I hold two fingers to my forehead at the point I would grow horns (if I were to) and breath in and out deeply. In with the pure light (good feelings), out with bad. When I feel I inhaled have enough pure light, I punch a hand in the air and say "I have the power!" Probably sounds silly but I'd recommend you stop worrying about this person for a while and turn your thoughts to regaining your power. Enough from me. Good luck however you overcome this problem.

Urban Cynic said...

I do understand. There's a couple of people I really hate and I do get wound up about them. I'm a really vindictive, spiteful person you see and I hate to see them happy or even existing!

Last resort. Tell them they really are a colossal pain in the arse, that nobody likes them and you wish they would just disappear off the face of the earth! Then punch their nose and walk away!

PS - you really didn't have to change your blog. My opinion isn't worth all that! You should have it exactly as you like it.

Razmataz said...

I am with Pauline. You need to take the power back here. You need to be assertive and stop letting this person push you around.Even if you feel weak, you should make them see that you are strong.

If they are affecting many people and I assume this is work related you need to let your supervisor get things under control. You need to take it to the next level and get management to deal with it. That's why they get paid the big bucks...they manage situations like this and people. Clearly since this is upsetting you so you need assistance to deal with it.

Gail said...

Do what you have to do to get by, it doesn't have to be baubles and smiles...just do it. I know you have a petronus(spelling?) that you can call on and it will light the way.

Now, unclench those teeth, and remember the joy waiting when you leave this person's presence.

Inkling said...

I hear you on this. Got my own dementor in my life, and boy does it suck. You will be in my thoughts in the coming days, and I hope you find renewed courage and strength to keep getting through this tough season. I know what it is like to just want to run away or to dream up other unlikely but relief-bringing solutions. xoxo

Caz said...

You're right, Sarah, the dementors in our lives are miserable themselves and it's very hard to ignore soul-sucking behaviour, especially if you have to be with them almost daily. I can understand why your teeth and shoulders are tense and my only advice is to continue being your happy, cheerful self. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing your stress,which can be hard if you work with them. Instead, relieve the stress by meditating for ten minutes every day if you can - clear your mind (and have a massage if you can). Alternatively, maybe look for a way to be totally out of this person's life. If they treat everyone this way, maybe you could all contront them? I know, all this is easier said than done but it's the only practical advice I can give. Hang in there. xx

sarah at secret housewife said...

Thank you so much for your comments everyone. It means such a lot to me that there are people out there who are caring and willing to take the time to leave such helpful comments.If this person starts to get to me next time I see them I will remember your words!
I think the thing that is getting to me the most is the fact that I am letting them get to me!!
I am going to carry on being me and not allow them to enter my world in a negative way.
Thank you again for commenting.